A Series of Random

That's right...I'm back! I took a brief hiatus as I've hit my busy time of year at work. Not to worry, though. You'll be hearing from me a lot more. I hope.

Trip to New York
Speaking of work, I spent three days in the Big Apple last week. It was both a good and a bad experience. It was good in the fact that I got to see the tree at Rockefeller Center all lit up at night and saw the fabulous window displays at Saks.

 

It was awful in the fact that the hotel (a Hilton property) was the size of a postage stamp, the meeting room was 85 degrees (literally), and it was just plain gross. That and the fact that I did not get to see my dear friend Kyle Krause as work had me held captive the entire time.

Holiday Baking
As many of you know, I love to bake, especially around the holidays. This year I did my standards along with a couple of new things. 2 days and many pans later, I was done.

I didn't do nearly as much as I typically do, hence a freak out when I realized that the plates of goodies for my co-workers weren't nearly as full as they typically get. Nobody else noticed and/or cared except for me. I really need to work on that.

Update on the House
The new house is coming along. Not as quickly as Glenn Jackson would like, but it's still coming along.

We should hopefully be seeing some walls being put up soon. And speaking of the new house, Moi is now famous. I got interviewed by a woman from the Star Tribune yesterday afternoon. She wanted to speak to someone who was building in Stoneborough, our new neighborhood. I know nothing about when the article will be published but you can be damn sure I'll let everyone know about it.

Debunking the Myth
No, I am not pregnant. I have simply gained weight. I've had several people ask me over the past few weeks when Glenn and I will be having another child. Plus there are 8 million pregnant people at my office and I keep getting looks like, "is she or isn't she". No, I am not. I wish I was but apparently God has other plans for us right now.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season with their friends, family, and loved ones. I know I'll be holding my little one extra tight this year. We're off to Iowa on Sunday for a few days with my family. It should be great since they just went through a blizzard and interstate is still closed. Thank god for 4-wheel drive.

Merry Christmas to you all!

My Struggle to Commit

You've probably noticed that I've been pretty quiet for the past couple of weeks. It's mostly because I've started to hit my busy time at work but it's also because of my struggle to commit to my weight loss challenge with Glenn.

I struggle with it...constantly. I cannot commit to eating better and exercising every day. I've come to realize how crappy I feel every time I eat. I'm always tired, my stomach hurts, I get headaches...you get the picture. I don't feel good about myself. And yet, I continue down the same path every day. I'm in a rut and I have no idea how to get myself out of it. I've tried different things but nothing seems to work for me. My heart just isn't in it.

I know I need to figure something out. I hate how I look in clothes. I'm tired of constantly pulling my pants up in an attempt to cover up my stomach roll. Or seeing a muffin top every time I look in the mirror.

So I need your help. What motivates you to eat healthy or work out every day? How do you manage to eat right without counting calories or dieting? What's your favorite exercise? This is my cry for help people. Yet again. I need a small goal that I know I can accomplish. Help me.

Weekly Weigh In

Once again, I'm posting this late but that's how life goes.

Weigh in was on Thursday. Or Friday, if you're Glenn Jackson. I'm down 2 pounds, which I'm actually happy with. Would it have been nice if it were more? Yes, but (warning...TMI moment) Aunt Flo decided to make her appearance so I'm all sorts of bloaty.

As for Glenn, he's down 7. *sad trombone* Yes, he's in the lead but we're only 10 days in so I've still got a chance!

I'm considering today my "free" day. The girls and I are doing a Twilight movie marathon which means pizza, chinese, snacks, and of course, wine. It's going to be a glorious day!

Go Team Jacob!

Ding Ding Ding! Game on.

Damn, this post is like 4 days late. Anyway...let's get ready to rumble!! The November challenge has begun. The person who loses the least amount of weight (percentage-wise) as of November 30 has to do the dishes for the entire month of December.

In this corner, weighing in at 268 pounds...it's Glenn "Action" Jackson!

Likes: Homemade beer and boobs
Dislikes: Anything not related to homemade beer or boobs
Favorite exercise: Running

And in this corner, weighing in at *gulp* 197 pounds (no judging)...it's Erin "Rockstar" Jackson!

Likes: Wine, beer, and anything that can be found on Pinterest
Dislikes: Sushi and fat rolls
Favorite exercise: Running or kickboxing

We started the challenge last Thursday and we're doing well so far. I'm already down 4 pounds and Glenn is down 7. Yes, it's mostly water weight but it's a start. If you check the numbers, I'm at 2.0% and Glenn is at 2.6%. The horror! I cannot lose! I despise loading the dishwasher!

Stay tuned for our weekly weigh in on Thursday. Cross your fingers that I kick Glenn's ass!

November's Challenge

It's time to do something about this weight gain. I'm slowly running out of options for clothes and feel like I'm wearing the same thing week after week. I'm a total clothes horse so of course this doesn't sit well with me.

So, Glenn and I are starting our own 30-day challenge for the month of November. We each have 30 days to lose as much weight as we can. The person with the highest percentage of weight loss on November 30 is declared the winner. The coveted prize...loser has to do the dishes for a month.

Now, if you know me at all, you'd know that dishes are the one chore that I absolutely hate doing. And we have a dishwasher. I'd much rather do 10 loads of laundry than load and unload the stupid dishwasher. So you know I'm going to take this challenge on hardcore. Ideally I'd like to lose 5% of my body weight but honestly, anything will do for me.

Stay tuned on Thursday for photos, details, and lots of snarky comments as Glenn and I take each other on for the ultimate prize!

The Next Chapter

If you've seen my Facebook post, then you'd know that Glenn and I are about to embark on the next chapter in our lives. We're building a house in Lakeville. We didn't set out to do this right now. The opportunity presented itself and after a lot of thinking and running the numbers, we decided to go for it.

It started about a month ago. We were looking at houses on the parade of homes, just trying to get some ideas. We were planning on starting to look at houses in the spring. Anyway, this was the second house we looked at and I really liked the layout of it. But since we weren't in the market, we just browsed, went to look at one more, and went home.

There was something about that house that just stuck with us. So we went back the next weekend to look at it again. This time we talked to the realtor and eventually agreed to sit down and talk things through. Lots of discussion and number crunching later, we sat down and signed the purchase agreement for it. I, of course, was freaking out. This was a huge decision but one that I knew in my heart would be right.

After that, we sat down with the builder to go over the floor plans and make any adjustments. We got super crazy...we moved the fireplace from one wall to another. That's it. Last night was the final piece in pulling everything together. We signed the papers for the pre-approval and we're on our way!

The house is 5 bedrooms, 3 full baths and is considered a multi-level. It's technically a split but there's a third level that goes up to a master suite. Glenn and I will pretty much have a floor to ourselves. Well, it's over the garage but you get the picture. The lot we chose is by far one of the best lots in the development. There is one street that loops through Stoneborough (our development) but they just added a through street in the middle. We got lucky and were able to secure the lot that is on a curve. It's huge!

We're told it will take 90 to 120 days to build. We're going to go from this:

 

 

To this:

 

That's not a true depiction since we haven't picked colors yet but you get the idea.

 

We are beyond excited to make this change. It'll mean leaving behind our first house, the one we put so much work into. The only home Rowan has ever known. We're also going to leave behind a great daycare, some great neighbors, and a great town. But it's the right decision for us.

 

It'll also mean less miles on the car and the SUV. Glenn will be a mile from his work so it'll mean less money in gas. It's in a great school district. We'll be closer to a lot of our friends. But the best part is giving Rowan the backyard he keeps talking about. He desperately wants a swingset and now we can give him that.

 

We're doing what's best for us and for our son. We're being grown-ups. And that's a scary thought.

The Blog Post That Brought Everyone Down

I've been known to have some crazy dreams. Lately, they've been coming at me every night. Typically they're just weird but last night's was a doozy. As Glenn says, lay off the booze.

I can't remember everything about this dream but what I do remember freaked me out. Glenn was in a car accident but upon looking at him, he was fine. Somehow he ended up at the vet's office, not as a patient, but as an observer. When I told this to Glenn, he got fake mad that I didn't take him to the hospital.

Anyway, I can still see him standing in a "patient" room, watching the vet look over a dog and all of a sudden he went down. Then I was told he died. The rest of my dream was about this vet needed to get a scale to weigh his dog and check his vitals but he didn't want to get it from his office. The thing that is still sticking with me from that dream is how sad I was. I mean, at one point, I actually woke up and reached over to make sure that Glenn was still there.

You're probably wondering what the point of this is. This is my every couple of years freak out over dying. I'm not afraid of dying itself but I'm more scared about what happens afterwards. Not about going to heaven (the big man upstairs and I already have an agreement) but about what happens to me spiritually. Will I still go on "living" and be able to see everything going on down here? Will everything just go dark and that's it? I hate the thought that the lights will go out and I never get to see my family again. It also makes me sad to think of Glenn dying first. I know that life goes on and eventually you figure out how to get past a death but what if you really never get to see your loved ones again?

This is why I try and not take life for granted. I know all too well what it's like to lose someone close to you, as I'm sure everyone has. So live life to the fullest and appreciate everything you've been given because at some point, it'll be gone.

Well, now that I've brought everyone down and/or freaked you out about dying...god, I am such a pleasant person aren't I? I don't blame you if you never want to read my blog again. I'm normally not this depressing. I blame the weather. Now picture this...puppies frolicking through the grass, a kitten snuggling up on your lap, rainbows, glitter...you cheered up yet? If you come to our Halloween party on Saturday night, I'll give you a jello shot. Jello always make people feel better. The booze will help, too.

Hugs and kisses people!

Every Day is Not Sunshine and Roses

Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to eat a dozen wings, drink several bottles of beer, and fling yourself off the roof? Oh, you haven't? Well, good for you, liar liar, pants on fire.

I have had not one, but TWO of those days. In a row. I am at my wit's end. I look like a freakin' zombie because I'm so exhausted from dealing with server issues and stupid people. The server I can deal with. The stupid people (or person to be specific), I cannot.

Of course the offsite server for our abstract vendor would go down the day that reviewer assignments needed to be completed. Oh, and it would take at least 24 hours to fix it they told me. Sure...why not. It's not like it's an important time right now. Go ahead. Take your 24 hours and don't give me a reason as to why they went down. Better yet, take 36. I love emailing our reviewers at 3:00 p.m. TODAY to say they can finally access the site.

And of course my arch nemesis at work would have to fuck up (AGAIN) and I have to be the bad guy and once again tell her that she did something wrong. I am not being malicious or out to get her. This is just a daily occurence for me. FML.

Oh, and why not start yesterday morning off by leaving my laptop at home and remembering where it was when I was already halfway to work. I mean, who doesn't like to add an extra hour to their already long morning commute.

THIS is why I drink people!! Ok, not really. It's just a bad couple of days. They happen to everyone and I just need to roll with the punches. But seriously...if something good could happen to me this week, I would greatly appreciate it!

Oh, and I can prove I'm not the only one who has crappy days. My good friend Amy needed a mulligan yesterday. You can read about it here. My day was bad but this poor girl had it way worse than me. My story didn't involve the police...twice.

And since I already mentioned it, I'll plug her blog. *Long Pause* Man that sounded way dirtier than I meant it to be. Lol! Seriously...read her blog. You'll love it.

And on that note, I'm outta here. Mama needs some rest.

Fake Mustaches and Moose Hats

Well, another whirlwind weekend has come and gone. We spent the majority of it in Iowa with my family and had a great time.

Friday night we picked up my grandma on the way to my parent's house. On the way, Rowan complained about his teeth hurting (poor baby has two molars popping through) so we stopped at the grocery store in town for tylenol and beer. One pain reliever for baby...one for mommy. And yes, in Iowa, you can buy beer and liquor at a store other than the liquor store. Iowa =1, Minnesota = 0.

So we get to my parent's house and we're standing around chatting. As I am standing there with a beer in my hand, my grandma is like, "are you pregnant?" To which I replied, "no grandma, just fat". God bless her. I know she meant well but clearly I need to get started on this whole weight loss thing. A fact my dear husband reminded me of on Saturday morning. It's ok...he's an assface.

Saturday we made the 2-hour trek to Ames to see my little brother. We were a kind family and greeted my brother at his dorm room by wearing fake mustaches. Even grandma wore one. Too bad we took them off before we could get a picture.

My other brother (Darrell...ha ha!) and his wife and son also came over. We lunched at Hickory Park, the best restaurant ever. Not only is it cheap, but they give you a placemat that has all of the ice cream choices on it. A placemat. Oh, the possibilities. I had bubble gum.

 

After lunch we took a family trip to Wal-mart so the little brother could get a new printer. Did we actually look at printers? Well, my mom did. This is what my brothers did.

 

This is completely normal for us. We concluded our shopping trip by trying on various winter hats.

I was not quick enough to get photos of them in Spongebob or Winnie the Pooh hats but this was good enough. This was taken right before I got told that customers are not allowed to take photos in Wal-mart. Probably because they're afraid they'll go up on the famed peopleofwalmart.com. I don't blame them but come on. I know Jared can be trashy (smile Jerry!) but a picture of him in a moose hat does not come CLOSE to what you can see on that site. Now, if he were in a wifebeater and cut-off jeans that showed off his junk wearing a moose hat, then they could be concerned.

All in all we had a fun day. Saturday night concluded with more beer drinking and watching Dark Shadows. The movie was ok. The beer was better. I'm pretty sure my grandma and my parents think I'm an alcoholic. As my husband pointed out, I don't drink first thing in the morning and I don't drink hard liquor so I'm not a true alcoholic. See people...that's why I married him.

In running news, I've got a 5k coming up on Saturday. Ang, Eric, and I are running the Monster Dash around Lake Harriet. Eric is 6 and planning on running his 1st 5k. He's going to kick my ass. I just know it. Oh, and the best part of it will be the fact that it's going to be 24 degrees that morning. Booty shake for luck!

Most Days I'm a Hot Mess

As an overweight person, I am chock full of insecurities. This probably doesn't come as a surprise to you. Actually, I think everyone, whether they're fat or not, deals with some sort of insecurity on a daily basis.

I know sometimes I can come across as tough and not caring but that is so far from the truth. I care what people think. Every time I post a new blog, I constantly check my phone to see if anyone commented or I log into the site to see how many people have read it. I say that this is just for me but I WANT that validation. How lame is that!?! Well, ok, it's not lame. It's completely normal. I just wish I could post something and be ok if no one reads it. Someday I'll get there.

I also have a false sense of security. I mean, I look at myself every day in the mirror and I can see that I've gained weight. I certainly don't have a magic mirror. But I don't think I see how much I've actually gained. Well, until I look at pictures. I happened to look at the official pictures from the 10-mile and all I can say is damn. It's kind of like shamu is running a race. Seriously...shamu. It scares me because I can't see what I've become unless I look closely from the outside. I lie and tell myself that it's ok, that I've just gained a few pounds, but reality is not a pretty picture.

I lack the motivation to get my ass in gear and believe me, I've tried desperately to find it. I have no problem running. In fact, I'm doing a 5k on the 27th. It's the eating component that is dragging me down. You would think it wouldn't be difficult to tell myself to put down the cheeseburger and walk away. You would think I could say, no, Erin, a salad is better for you than the plate of wings. And you would think that someone who is tired of being seen as the fat person in the group would be able to do those things without fail. But you'd be wrong. Because fat people always have an excuse for why they look the way they do. And excuses overrule reality.

I clearly am a woman in need of help. I need your motivation. I need your inspiration. And I need you to tell me to get off my fat ass and become the woman that I know is hidden inside. She's begging to be let out.

Small Child For Sale

I have said it before and I will say it again. God bless you to all of you single parents or those of you with multiple children. Glenn is at drill until tomorrow so I've had 48 hours with my dear, sweet little boy.

I am physically exhausted. In addition to trying to catch up on laundry, baking, and monitoring email (tomorrow is our big abstract deadline!), I've had to deal with a crazy, whiny, 2 1/2 year old. Thankfully Team Umizoomi just came on so I have an hour of sanity.

I love Rowan dearly. After all, he's my miracle baby. Sort of. Glenn and I got pregnant right after he came home from his second deployment. I miscarried at 6 1/2 weeks. After that, we struggled to get pregnant. I wasn't ovulating so we both went through several tests and I ended up on Clomid. Luckily I only had to go through one dose. We ended up pregnant with Rowan 10 months after my miscarriage. I'd like to think we'd have gotten pregnant on our own eventually but you never know.

I know his age plays into everything these days, which would explain why I want to pick him up and shake him on a daily basis. No need to call the cops...I haven't actually gone through with it. Believe me, he'd tell you if I had.

I've tried my hardest to keep him busy this weekend. Friday night we went and got groceries and watched a movie. Yesterday we went to target, made brownies, watched a new movie, and played with toys. Clearly I kept him busy enough because he slept in until 9 this morning. Today we went to Michael's, made a batch of Halloween suckers, painted/colored, made cupcakes, and watched more Team Umizoomi than I can handle. I'm hoping he'll pass out soon so I can have a little bit of Mommy time.

Thankfully Daddy will be back tomorrow and can relieve me of my single parenting duties. Otherwise, you may see me wandering the street with a wagon full of clothes, books, and a peanut butter sandwich as I attempt to run away. Night night y'all.

And the Winner Is...

Thank you so much to my dear friend Amy for helping me rename my blog. Now that I've finished my 10 mile training, I wanted to give the blog a name that was a little more meaningful. I offered points if it was witty and had naughty undertones.

Here are a few that she came up with..

• This Kitten is Smitten
• Sex Kitten in Training (a personal fave)
• Diary of a Sarcastic Vixen

Honestly, I loved them all but as you can see, I went with the one that just kept sticking with me...Some Days, I Run in Stilettos. They are so much better than anything I could come up with. The words "Big Ginger" kept sticking in my head and that just didn't seem right. So Amy, 25 points to you. You can cash those in for drinks on me!

And if any of you blog and are interested in doing a guest post (hint hint, Kyle and/or Amy), let me know. I welcome all forms of sarcasm and wit!

10 Miles and Counting

I did it. I spent 3 months training for the TC 10-mile and I did it. I finished. I may not have ran the entire way but I finished, which was my ultimate goal.

Yesterday morning was F-R-E-E-Z-I-N-G. We're talking high 20's/low 30's at the start of the race. I tried to dress semi-warm but not too warm so that I would overheat along the way. Needless to say, my upper half was fine. The lower half? Let's just say I couldn't really feel my legs until mile 8.

The race started at 7:09 a.m. I was in the last corral, because that's where they put the turtle like people, so I didn't even hit the starting line until 7:21. I was so nervous but I relaxed about a mile or so in. At mile 2.5, my stomach started getting queasy. I blame it on the toast, sport beans, and my nervousness. I popped a Gu and I was fine...thank god. I really hate to throw up and I really didn't want to kill my race when I'd barely begun.

About 2.75 miles was a killer hill. Now I did not hill train like I probably should have. So I walked up it. I figured I'd rather walk a little than expend all of my energy and barely make it to the finish line. Glenn and Rowan met me at mile 4 and mile 6 to cheer me on. I was so glad they did because it was great motivation for me.

The entire time I was doing the race, I kept thinking about the little guy who calls me mommy. I was doing this for him. He was my inspiration to finish what I started. I guess Glenn asked him after he saw me at mile 6 if he wanted to run a 10-miler some day. He said yes. I'm so proud of my little man.

I was also thinking about everyone who wished me luck and sent good thoughts and supported me along this journey. I wanted to be the person I said I was going to be. The one who finished the race. And I was.

I crossed the finish line at 2 hours and 8 minutes. 8 minutes more than I wanted but I finished that damn race.

As soon as I saw Glenn and Rowan, I started crying. I couldn't believe I'd actually made it. Hell, I'm still having a hard time with it. I. Made. It. Someday when I'm super old, I will be able to tell my grandkids and great-grandkids that back in the day, I ran a 10-miler. That's a glorious feeling.

 

 

Two of my bestest friends also ran. The one on the left ran the 10-miler with me. She finished in 1 hour, 28 minutes, which was a PR for her. The one in the middle ran the TC Marathon, her first ever. She finished in 4 hours, 22 minutes. I am SO proud of both of them. They have been a huge inspiration to me throughout all of this.

 

So what's next you might ask. A half-marathon is definitely in my future. I'm shooting for sometime early next fall. Winter is my busy time at work and I won't be able to devote the time I need to train so I'll save that for spring/summer.

 

I've also decided to keep the blog going. As I've mentioned before, it's therapeutic for me. So expect more on weight loss, my trials and tribulations as I go through this cycle called life, and much more of my endless humor, sarcasm, and wit. Believe me, I'm just getting started. Enjoy the ride.

The End is Finally Near!

I can't believe it's almost here. The thing that I have spent the last 3 months training for. The TC 10-miler has finally arrived! And I am freaking out!

I've spent so much time preparing for this run, the longest run I've done in the history of my life. I've got 3 goals:

1. Finish
2. Run the entire 10 miles
3. Finish in 2 hours or less

I'm scared it's going to be too much for me even though I've trained for this. I'm scared that I'm going to be the last person to cross that finish line. But my biggest concern? Failure.

Weight loss is my biggest failure. Hell, I've failed at least 4 times since I've started this blog. I know this run isn't about weight loss but if I can't even commit to trying to get healthy, how am I going to pull off 10 miles?

I WANT to finish this race. I WANT to look back 5 years from now and be able to say that I ran 10 miles at one time. Scratch that. I WILL say that I ran 10 miles.

My race is on Sunday at 7:09 a.m. I'm going to need lots of good thoughts and prayers sent my way so if you could start now, that would probably be best. The more the better.

The Book Bandwagon

If you know me at all, you'd know that I tend to jump on various bandwagons, usually a month or two behind. Or in some cases, WAY behind. Like skinny jeans, self-serve frozen yogurt, and various book trilogies.

I am a big fan of books. They are a huge part of my life and always have and always will be. I hope my love for them is the one thing that I can pass on to my kids. So far so good with Rowan. Anyway, because I love books, I'll read almost anything. I'm not a fan of non-fiction and my favorites are anything saucy, spicy, and/or full of suspense. Hence the reason I have jumped on the triology bandwagon over the past few years.

Let's start with...Twilight. You're probably all groaning and thinking "what in the hell?" or "seriously?". I have my friend Elise to thank for introducting me to this series. I started reading them a few months before the first movie came out and finished all 4 within a matter of a month.

You cannot judge a book by its movie, people. The Twilight movies, especially the first one, do not show the true story behind Twilight. The books have so much more detail and are written so much better. A friend of mine swore she wouldn't read them but she begrudgingly jumped on the bandwagon and has been hooked ever since. I swear you won't be disappointed. Now the real question is...Team Edward or Team Jacob?

Next up...The Hunger Games. If you have not jumped on this bandwagon, do it. Do it now. These books are just so...good! They suck you in and you can't help but want to pick up the next one the minute you finish the first one. While violent, these books have a slight romantic twist that keeps you engaged and wondering, who will Katniss choose? Plus the movie is just plain awesome.

Ok...The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I liked this series A LOT but it's hard to get past the first 100 pages of the first book. If you can do it, you won't regret it. Each book ends on a cliffhanger (you can seriously feel it in the air). The thing that made me bitter is that I know there is a fourth book out there. Stieg Larsson's girlfriend (they never married even though they were together for over 20 years) is withholding the manuscript from his family. They're greedy bastards and only want it for the money. Now if she could just give me a copy, it would make everything all better.

The movie is also very good but very very dark. It also strays from the book slightly in that they change the characters a little bit but it's definitely worth seeing.

And last but never the least...my absolute favorite...50 Shades of Grey. This is the one bandwagon I jumped on long before it became the juicy craze it is now. I read this triology in 4 days about a month before anyone had really heard of it. It wasn't even available in a bookstore at the time. It was recommended to me by a friend, who heard about it on Lori and Julia, who claimed it was going to be the next hottest thing. Boy, were they right!

Now, you may have heard that these books are soft core porn. You would be right. And that's partly what makes them so awesome. But really, you have to look beyond the spanking and the handcuffs because there is a real love story that is portrayed. I love everything about these books. I love them so much I actually read them twice. One thing to note...if you're faint of heart, I would steer clear. These are probably too hardcore for you.

The best part is that they're making it into a movie! I have no idea how they're going to keep it under an NC-17 rating but good luck to them. I myself will be camped out at the theater the minute it comes out, especially since this hunky gentlemen will be playing the one and only Christian Grey. Yummy!

Go ahead...read them. I know you want to.

Tales from Sin City

Well, we survived our trip to Las Vegas. The hubs and I finally went on our own mini-vacation to Sin City and had a blast!

Glenn's parents were generous enough to let us use their timeshare at Tahiti Village.

It was awesome because while it was on the Strip, it was far enough down that you didn't have all the lights and noise and people. Plus, they shuttled us back and forth to New York New York and the Mirage so we didn't have to worry about cabbing it. Walking, well that's a different story.

I hadn't been to Vegas in 10 years so it was amazing to see all of the changes. We did the usual Las Vegas things...gambling, walking, drinking, walking some more, gambling, drinking, oh, and uh, walking. I swear my legs were going to fall off by day 2. That and chub rub on day 3 about did me in.

Friday night we went and saw Zumanity, one of the Cirque de Soleil shows. It's the one about sensuality and had lots of swearing and nakedness. Well right there you know it was my kind of show. It was frickin' amazing!

This time I even went downtown. Glenn and I figured out the city bus and took a little trip to the Golden Nugget and Fremont St.

I got a daquiri the size of an actual football and off we went. I swear I saw more nakedness downtown than I saw at Zumanity.

All in all, we had a great time. We were pretty tame by Vegas standards. We took a nap one day, were in bed at a decent time, didn't get hammered, and only lost a little money. I did well enough to keep us somewhat close to even. Oh well, there's always next time!

I Know I'm Crazy...But Not Transvestite Crazy

You've all missed me terribly haven't you. It's ok...I've missed you, too. I honestly don't have anything new or exciting to report. I've been living the dream over the last week. And by dream I mean running, cleaning my house, running some more, buying skinny jeans, doing laundy, oh and um, running.

Yes, I bought a pair of skinny jeans. Rockstar super skinny jeans to be exact. I find them quite "fitting" (see what I did there?) seeing as how my nickname is Rockstar. More on how that name came to be later. I normally am not the type to want to put on something that clings to your body like saran wrap but they are just so awesome. Plus, it gave me an excuse to use up the rest of my Maurice's gift card on a pair of black hooker boots to wear over them. Woot woot!

Yesterday Glenn's brother and his 2 daughters came up and we hit up the Renaissance Festival. Here they are looking cute as ever.

Now, I am all for being your own person and doing whatever makes you happy but lord jeebus, there are some crazy people out there. Like the he/she with the cotton candy pink hair, corset, and cat-like nails encouraging people to buy beer. Or the lady with the skin dyed green and ogre like teeth at the information booth. I doubt they had either one of you back in the 1400's but thanks for playing. Oooh, and what about the teenager dressed all in black, wearing a cape, and carrying a light saber. I can guarantee you light sabers didn't exist back then. Or ever except in George Lucas' fantasies.

And don't get me started on the belly dancers. If your tummy creates a muffin top over your jingly skirt and we can see said muffin top because you are exposing it by wearing a bra-like jingly top, I would question your decision making. God bless you for being ok with showing off the goods but in public? In front of thousands of people? Really?

As for the corset clad women, I would be right there with them in a heartbeat. You've heard me say it before...I have nice boobs. I'm quite proud of them. But there is something to be said when a woman with boobs twice the size of mine trys to shove those melons in a dress/corset 2 sizes too small. Boobs should not look irregular shaped within a corset. Nor should they spill out over the top to the point you look like you could suffocate yourself (or a small child) with them.

All in all it was a fun day. Rowan got to experience his first pony ride and proceeded to ride one-handed like a typical cowboy. No amount of urging from his mother would make him put two handles on the saddle. He's such a boy.

 

As of Thursday, I'm saying adios bitches! The hubs and I are heading out for some R & R in...Vegas baby! We're ditching the kid with his grandparents and going to get down and dirty in Sin City! And by down and dirty I mean we'll probably be in bed by 10 every night. That's pretty much how I roll. I can't wait!

 

Oh, and the rockstar nickname? I got it my first annual meeting during a staff appreciate event. Beers were consumed, dancing on tables commenced, and I ended up being called rockstar. The name has stuck ever since. See, not as dirty as you were probably thinking.

Things to Do Before I Die

7 miles down...3 to go. I'm still in amazement that I did 7 miles yesterday. I had to walk a few times (mostly up hills) but I did it! As Glenn reminds me, I only have to add a 5k to that and I'll be done. That's just crazy. The last time I did even close to 7 miles was when I did the TC 10k in October 2010. Rowan was 6 months old.

By the time we got home, my legs were pretty much jelly and I was exhausted. But, no knee pain...success! I swear it's my new shoes.

Yes, that is my crazy dog sitting next to me. Glenn managed to catch him mid-yawn.

Next weekend is 8 miles but who cares about that. Without further adieu...my bucket list!

There are several things I want in life. The most important...walking into a bar and having the bartender set a drink in front of me without even ordering. Ok, not really. But it would be awesome.

As I've mentioned before, I'm all about not having any regrets. When I die, I want go out knowing I lived life to the fullest. I've done a lot (been to Europe, tried absinthe, ran a 10k, etc.) but there are so many other things I want to do before I die. Too many to list actually. I know I won't get to all of them but maybe I can squeeze a few in here and there.

1. Go to Ireland (Glenn has promised me that we will go there for our 10-year anniversary. I'm holding him to it.)
2. Run a half-marathon
3. Buy a two-piece swim suit and NOT be afraid to show off my tiger stripes (aka stretch marks)
4. Hit my goal weight of 135
5. Cuddle with a monkey
6. Skinny dip in the ocean
7. Participate in a flash mob
8. Take a cooking class
9. Rent a cabin for the entire summer (or better yet, a house in the Hamptons)
10. Own a teacup pig
11. Go on a free for all shopping spree
12. Visit all 50 states
13. Own a pair of Louboutin's
14. Go camping with my kids
15. Be genuinely happy

The Daringness of Me

Daringness...is that even a word? Eh, who cares.

I've always wanted to be more daring. To do things that are so "not me". Everyone thinks, or used to think, that I was always the goody goody. Well let me tell you people, you couldn't be farther from the truth. I swear like a sailor, I drink like a fish, I've got my fair share of tattoos...you get the picture.

I'm, for the most part, about trying and experiencing new things. The 10-miler for instance. I've always said I wanted to run a marathon some day. Of course, I only say that when I'm watching the Biggest Loser. If they can do it, so can I. And then reality hits. Well this time, when reality hit, I grabbed it by the horns and wrestled that sucker to the ground. I don't even think that was an analogy. Plain speak = I made it into the 10-miler lottery and signed up for it.

Back in February, I also did something bold that I don't think I would have done 10 years ago. I did a boudoir photo shoot aka wearing lingerie and posing in front of the camera. One of the other army wives is a photographer and she offered to do this photo shoot for anyone who wanted to try it out. After some encouragement (ok, a lot) from my husband, I said screw it, I'm gonna do this. I didn't know when I'd get another opportunity to do this again.

So I got my hair and makeup done and bought some fancy undergarments and off I went to the W at the Foshay in downtown mpls. I was sooo nervous because a1) I hate my body and a2) I hate my body. The results = I loved every minute of it! I felt so free and beautiful. Those pictures captured a woman who wasn't afraid of putting herself out there. I definitely hated a couple of them but overall they turned out fabulous.

If you are my brothers or anyone else who gets nervous about anyone not wearing head to toe flannel, you may want to avert your eyes.

Here I am in all my glory.

 

 

 

I would do this again in a heartbeat. Would I love to be smaller and wear something skimpier? Definitely but that's not what's it about. It's about loving yourself and doing what makes you happy.

I'm going to start a bucket list (future post for those of you who care). I want to do more things like this photo shoot. Life is about living. I don't want to leave this earth with any regrets. So I won't.

Living In the Now

I'm part of a group going through leadership development within my company. Today we had a development session and got the opportunity to sit down with someone (nameless for privacy reasons) to talk about their personal development.

We got some excellent advice but the one thing that stuck with me was this...at all times, you need to be happy with where you are now in your life and not focus solely on the future. This struck a chord with a couple of different things.

I've spent the better part of the last 12 years of my life worried about my weight and what I look like. I'm never happy with my body and I honestly don't think I ever will be. I think I could be a size 4 and I would still find something wrong with the way I look. I've trained myself to think that I'm not beautiful because I'm overweight. That is so wrong!! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. My husband compliments me all the time and tells me how gorgeous he thinks I am and most of the time, I gloss over that because I don't feel gorgeous.

It also made me think about my husband and our life together. We're always planning these grand adventures. We want to open a bar or a brew pub, we want to take fabulous vacations all over the world, and other things like that, but it always comes down to money and time. We never have enough of either. I know we need to look towards the future but at times I think that's all we do. It's always about the "what if's". I don't think that's a bad thing but I'm happy with where we are in our lives. Why can that never be enough?

I have a husband, a son, family, and friends who love me regardless of how much I weigh or what I look like. I have a roof over my head and more crap in it than I know what to do with. I have a job that I absolutely love, even when I complain about it. I live a comfortable lifestyle. Could I use more money? All the time. Am I fine right now? Absolutely. Life is too short as I've come to realize and I'm tired of constantly worrying about what's to come. I'm tired of worrying about what people think of me. And I'm tired of worrying about life in general. I want to enjoy what I've been given. From now on, I've going to live for the now. I'm living for me.

Booty Shakes and Whitey Tighteys

This morning was the dreaded visit to the doctor's office to have my knee looked at. The good news is that my leg doesn't need to be amputated. And really, there's no bad news. My knee is fine. Booty shake!

I met with an ortho doc, who I loved from the very moment that I met her. She was young, quirky, and I immediately wanted to make her my new best friend. It would probably have been a little awkward to ask her to swap numbers and wear matching BFF necklaces considering we didn't know each other but whatever. The doc listened to my symptoms, asked questions, checked my knee, and made me get a couple x-rays taken to ensure I hadn't fractured anything. The conclusion: overuse. I basically went from 0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds and my knee couldn't handle it.

The best part is that I can keep running. Yay!! I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to run the 10-miler and then I'd have to throw a good old fashioned temper tantrum. I need to watch myself, take ibuprofen as needed, and make sure I ice my knee but other than that, I'm good to go. She also told me to work on strengthening my legs, which will help my knee adjust. No squats but it looks like Jillian and I will be spending some more quality time together.

Driving to work gave me some time to think and I realized that if today wasn't a cry for help, I don't know what will be. Clearly my weight is putting a strain on my body and if I want to get better, I need to do something about it. Meeting with the doctor was the kick in the ass that I needed to make sure I do this.

Along with that comes the technique of visioning. We had an outside speaker come in yesterday for a quarterly department event and she talked about work-life balance, time management, etc. Anyway, one of the things that really stuck with me was visioning. We had to complete a life balance worksheet and one of the items we had to rate was physical health. I, of course, gave it a low score. Later on we had to pick one of the items and write our vision of what that item would look like if it were given a score of 10. What am I doing? What do I hear? See? All of that.

I wrote about being my ideal weight. I would be slim and fit. I would be able to run a half-marathon and beat my personal record. I would be able to look in the mirror and like what I see. I would get asked "how do you stay so thin?" and love every minute of it. I wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen in a swimming suit. This list could go on forever but I won't bore with all the would be's.

My first goal is to complete the 10-miler. I am quickly realizing it will be here before I know it. From there, I'm tackling this whole weight issue for good.

SQUIRREL!!

Ahh, now that I've got your attention (because I'm sure I lost it halfway back up the page), here are a few more of the things you may or may not know about me. Everyone seems to like those.

• I have 5 tattoos. I only regret one of them but not really that much. I even have the traditional sign of a who-er...the tramp stamp. It's by far my favorite tattoo. And I'm not a who-er.
• I hate swedish fish and dots and anything that is gummy but not really a gummy. It sticks to my teeth and irritates me. And quite honestly I'm just prejudiced against the fish because they're liars. They're not really from Sweden.
• In high school, I once walked through the boys locker room on accident and did see a couple of guys in their whitey tighteys. Oops!
• Bud light is my beer of choice. Or piss water as my husband calls it. But then again, what does he know. I'm saving money...I can get drunk way cheaper than he can.
• I read the 50 Shades of Gray trilogy in 4 days. I loved every minute of it. I can't get in an elevator without thinking about book 1.

Alright, duty calls. Rowan and I are single for the weekend while Glenn is up at Camp Ripley. We're gonna pound a few back and see what we can do to get arrested. Or, we're gonna have milk and cookies while we watch the Lorax for the 15th time. It's all up in the air.

Knee Pain and Justin Bieber (The Two Are Not Connected...I Swear)

You've probably been wondering where I've been since I haven't posted in a while. It's ok. You can say you missed me. I don't mind.

Let's see, what has Erin been up to.

Go to the Minnesota State Fair...check
Buy yet another pair of running shoes...check
Determine that I need a pair of spandex shorts for running so I don't show my ass cheeks...check
Skip JM's 30 day shred because of knee pain...check
Make doctor's appointment for said knee pain...check
Run 6 miles according to training schedule...half a check
Work out daily and follow a healthy eating habit...EPIC FAIL

To say that my knee is killing me is putting it mildly. Sunday I was supposed to do 6 miles. I made it 4.5. And I walked the last mile and a half. My husband was nice enough to go buy me a knee brace to help constrict me a little more. It worked great...at first. 3 miles in and I was done. Every time I put my foot down, pain would shoot up my left leg. Awesome!!

Last night we went to the MOA (Mall of America for you out of towners) and hit up Foot Locker. I broke down and bought a pair of New Balance Minimus even though I think they're mostly ugly. Good news: they were half price. Bad news: they didn't have the plain black ones I wanted. I ended up with gray. I can live with gray. I mean, that's really all my husband wears in addition to black.

When we got home, we decided to do a quick mile to test out my new kicks. So I put on my running gear and off we went at 8:00 at night. It was pretty much pitch black. While the shoes are mostly ugly, they make up for it by being awesome. You definitely run different with minimus shoes but in a good way.

And while the shoes were awesome, my shorts...not so much. I rarely wear shorts when I run because they always crawl up my legs and then my thighs rub together and I get super annoyed. We had barely gone a quarter mile when the annoyance started. I swear to god my ass cheeks were hanging out of my shorts. Glenn "volunteered" to run behind me to check. They were not but it led me to the thought of buying even more of the dreaded spandex, but in shorts form. We shall see.

Today my knee has been hurting like a son of a bitch. I decided to be a grown up and I made a doctor's appointment. On Friday I will find out my fate. I hope they don't tell me that I can't run the 10-miler. And I hope they tell me that I've magically lost 8 trillion pounds when I step on the scale. I believe one of these will be true and I bet you can guess which one!

Tomorrow is decorate your locker day at work. I swear to god we do real work there. It only feels like I work on a cruise ship. Anyway, I scoured Target for locker supplies tonight to no avail. Well, that's not true. I bought a copy of Bop magazine (yes, it still exists!!!) and will be decorating my locker with posters of today's teen celebs. I despise Justin Bieber but tomorrow he will be the object of my affection. There are prizes involved here people!!!

Memoirs of an Army Wife

I've been thinking about writing this post for awhile now. For those of you who don't know, my husband was deployed to Kuwait for a year. He left at the end of May in 2011 and just got back this May.

Now, here's my disclaimer: I am in no way saying that I had it worse than anyone else out there. We've all had our struggles with being a single parent or having a loved one taken away from us for an extended period of time. I'm not writing this for sympathy or to draw anymore attention to myself than I already do. This is simply another chapter in my struggle with losing weight.

We'd known for about 7-8 months that Glenn was going to get deployed. Did we ever know concrete details up until a few months before? Of course not. We just knew it was going to happen. Glenn was part of the Red Bulls that left on Memorial Day 2011 for Fort McCoy in Wisconsin.

The troops were stationed at Fort McCoy until the middle of July. We were able to talk every day and I got to see him twice before they left for Kuwait but that didn't make it any easier. I was alone with a 1-year old.

Now don't get wrong...Rowan is a great kid. I really can't complain, especially back then because he wasn't a troublemaker. He's always been a happy-go-lucky kid but when you're the sole individual taking care of a child, they eventually become the devil. I did my best and had one of the best support systems possible but I still had my struggles.

Being in Kuwait, Glenn was 8 hours ahead of me. We were able to skype or instant message almost every day but it was at odd hours for both of us. He didn't get to see Rowan as much as he probably would have liked and Rowan was in the stage where he could have cared less about looking at Daddy on the computer. Still, we somehow made it work.

At first, I just kept thinking, "how on earth am I going to survive this next year by myself"? I kept myself busy. I ran a few 5k's throughout the summer, took Rowan on walks, etc. My best friend and I bought a couple of groupons and did some fitness classes throughout the fall. We managed to drag our butts through kickboxing and about 10 of those Look Good Naked classes. Her husband was nice enough to watch Rowan for me while we went to class one night a week.

Those classes gave me a temporary moment of freedom, not to mention the opportunity to workout. Before Glenn left, I was down to about 170 pounds. I managed to get down to 163 by the time he got home for R & R in December. All in all, I felt great.

Once the first of the year hit, life took a different spin. A majority of my job is to assist with the planning of our Annual Meeting, which is always held in the spring. That meant from January through March/April, I was in constant motion. I'd go to work, pick up Rowan, eat supper quick, do more work, and go to bed. The next day was the same. And the one after that. And the one after that. I bet you can see the pattern.

Because I was constantly on the go, I ate out...a lot. At that point, I didn't care about working out or attempting to lose weight. I was in a struggle to just simply survive. Rowan got to be more and more independent as the months went by so we always seemed to be battling each other. At the end of January, Rowan was diagnosed with RSV. It's essentially a really really bad cold that makes it hard for kids to breathe. Luckily I caught it in time but the poor guy had to take nebs for about a week. I remember panicking when I found out he had this. I didn't know what it meant and the jerk doctor scared me by saying that a majority of the kids who get RSV end up in the hospital in an oxygen tent. I called my mom crying because I was so overwhelmed and didn't know what to do. Luckily she works for Mayo and could explain things in terms that I understood. She even took time off to come up and help me deal with him.

Throughout February I continued my battle with eating. It wasn't really so much a battle as I pretty much ate what I wanted without considering the consequences. Along with that came anxiety. At least twice a week, I would end up feeling sick to my stomach and would get the chills that wouldn't go away. After some time went by, I figured out the pattern. They started after Rowan got RSV and I would feel that way every time he would get sick or tell me something hurt. He was my trigger. I remember one day I dropped Rowan off at daycare, feeling like crap, mind you, and thought, oh, it'll get better once I get to work and get busy. Nope, not so much. On my drive home that night, I actually cried because I didn't want to go get him. I wanted to be alone but I couldn't do that. I had a responsibility as a parent...the only parent at that. Thank god for drugs. *I'm doing much better now. Thank you for asking.*

In April I headed out for New Orleans and two weeks of alone time. Well, not really alone time considering I was with my co-workers and about 12,000 attendees but you know what I mean. Rowan split his time between the grandparents and really could have cared less that I was gone. Two weeks later I was home...and so was Glenn.

We picked him up in St. Paul on May 1 and I have to say, life is so much better! By the time Glenn got home, I was back up to about 170. Not too bad considering the three months before. It was after he got home that I took a turn for the worst, which you would know if you've read my previous blogs.

I still look back and wonder how I made it. I honestly couldn't have done it without my family and my friends. So thank you to all of you supported me, whether it was talking or listening to me, being there for me, helping out with Rowan, and just keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. I especially owe my parents, Glenn's parents, my best friend and her husband, and a couple of my very dear friends at work. Not that I don't owe the rest of you but you know.

Now that I've depressed you all, let's move on. I've had a crappy day of budgets and stupid people so tonight...I drink! Yes, I'm well aware that it goes against my diet. No, I don't care because I'm still going to do the 30ds tonight. And run 3 miles tomorrow. So there.

Hugs and kisses!

Last Night's Run = Shitty

Last night was awful. I had a decent day of eating considering it was Food Truck Day for my team. We hit up the food trucks along Marquette in Downtown Minneapolis. I could have done way worse than the shrimp tacos I had. I even had healthy snacks! I think my downfall was not drinking enough water.

I did 3 miles last night and they totally sucked. I was hot (because I ran at 6:00 at night directly into the sun), I was thirsty, my knee hurt, and I really had to go to the bathroom. My god, I'm such a whiner. I mean, how many times have you heard me bitch and complain about how much my runs suck and how I should be happy that I at least completed the distance. A lot. I continue to torment myself instead of trying to maintain a positive attitude about my training. And the kicker..I was supposed to do 4 miles according to my schedule. Arrrhhh!

I completely skipped the 30ds last night because I was wasted. Not drunk, people. Just extremely tired. I actually had to ice my knee so I figured I probably shouldn't attempt to do squats and jump around. I'll get back into it tonight after my 40 minutes of cross training.

I did start level 2 on Monday night and it is WAY harder than level 1. I was actually grunting and screaming in order to get through it. I was one of those annoying people you see at the gym who you're totally embarassed for. You know who I'm talking about.

Next Saturday (Sept 8) I'm doing the Warrior Dash in Hugo. A good friend of mine was supposed to do it with me but she had to cancel on me (with a very good reason!). Her friend is running an ultra marathon up north and he needs someone at every aid station to help him out and just be there for general support. For those of you who don't know what an ultra is, he's running 100 miles. Craziness! I can totally understand why he would need support.

Anyway, if anyone is interested in coming out and watching me or running with me (it's not that bad!), I'm running at 3 p.m. I'm going to be all by my lonesome. *sniff sniff* *tear*

I kid. I'll be fine. But seriously, if anyone wants to run it with me, let me know. We can always transfer my friend's registration over to you. It's such a blast! And that's saying something for a girl who hates mud and getting dirty.

The Hulk, Phil-hole, and Nerds

My birthday extravaganza has concluded. Last Thursday, my actual birthday, was awesome. I've been feeling anxious about turning 33 mostly because my little brother finally went to college, which made me feel really old. My day started and ended with food. I figured since it was my birthday, I would have a by against my diet. After work, my team went out for happy hour at the Republic. One beer and a couple of apps later and I made my home. Glenn and Rowan surprised me with a party complete with a sign and hats. Rowan, of course, wanted cake. He sat and stared at the cupcakes for like an hour until we let him have one.

Friday a good friend and former co-worker was in town so a few of us went and had lunch at Wasabi. It was so awesome to see him. He lives in New York and hadn't been home in a year. Of course the visit was too short but at least we got a chance to see him.

Saturday consisted of a birthday party for one of Rowan's neighbor friends and...girls night!!! I haven't had a girls night since May I think. Glenn was nice enough to drive us downtown. We had dinner and drinks at the Bradstreet at the Graves and then went to Kieran's. At Kieran's, we met Phil-hole. We're sitting there minding our own business when this jackass in a blazer pulls up a chair and sits down with us. He was completely hammered, slurring his words, and acted like a complete douche. Thank god he didn't stick around long.

We hit up a couple more bars after Kieran's. Our last stop of the evening was the 508 club. We heard music when we walked in the door and immediately headed downstairs only to realize that the Eden Prairie Class of 2002 was having their reunion down there. So we crashed it. And who did we see down there? Why Phil-hole of course. Luckily he didn't see us. We also saw these awesome nerds who were wearing shirts that lit up to the beat of the music. I, of course, insisted on getting my picture taken with them.

We finally got home at 1 a.m. Getting up this morning for my 5 mile run was a little brutal. I didn't get drunk last night but I was dehydrated and tired. Glenn made me take some C4, which is basically a pre-workout with a lot of caffeine in it. It tasted like I was licking a lot of fun dip.

I felt really decent on my run today. Glenn kept track of our mileage but didn't tell me how far we went. We ran out past the hospital and up through St. Olaf's campus. I had to walk a little bit because of cramping but overall I did a decent job. We stopped at the park so Rowan could play for a little bit and by the time we made it home, we had gone 6 miles. I haven't ran/walked 6 miles since the 10k I did when Rowan was 6 months old. I've totally got this 10 miler!

30 Day Shred: Day 1

Two posts in one day? Who's excited!?! Be forewarned: You're gonna see some of me that I haven't shown in public in a long time.

I started Jillian Michael's 30 day shred tonight. After my 2-mile run. As much as I was dreading it, it was a nice end to a nice run. The weather has been beautiful here in Minnesota and we've been taking advantage of it as much as we can. Tonight we did our standard 2-mile route and came home. Glenn was nice enough to make supper (chicken fajitas...yum!) while I did the Shred.

If I were a lesbian, I'd totally make out with Jillian Michaels. Hell, I think I'd do it now. She has a smokin' body and can totally kick my ass. 30 day shred has three different levels. I, of course, started with the beginner level. I gotta say, it wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting. It was only 20 minutes but she keeps you going the entire time. When I got done, I was tired but felt so awesome.

And now for the horror. I took my measurements and a couple of before shots. It's not pretty.

I'm not even going to post the back side. Nobody needs to see that.

Measurements:

Neck: 15 1/4

Right arm: 13 1/4

Left arm: 13

Chest: 43

Waist: 44

Hips: 47

Right leg: 26

Left leg: 26

Hey, at least my legs are proportional! I at least have that going for me considering my hips could probably knock down a small child. You know, like when the dog gets excited and the tail takes out everything in its path.

Ugh, well, it's a start. The 30 day countdown starts now!

Frauds and 5K's

I'm a fraud. I'm not the inspiration I want to be or the inspiration you might believe me to be. When I first started this blog, it was about training for my 10-miler but I quickly launched into this tirade about my weight. I wanted to get fit and live a healthy lifestyle and I preached about how I was going to inspire others. The truth is, I've gained 5 pounds since I started this blog because I haven't cared enough. I had to face a harsh reality this morning when I jumped on that scale and it makes me want to cry. I've continued with my unhealthy lifestyle but just thrown a little running into the mix. I haven't been the person I want to be or should be. They say old habits die hard and let me tell you, overeating is one habit that needs to fucking die and burn in hell.

I'm so ashamed to admit that I'm up to 189 pounds. I hate who I've let myself become. Every day I picture myself in a thin body, in cute size 4 clothes, in skinny jeans with platform heels, and every day I say I'm going to do something about it. Only I never do. Rinse and repeat. Well, not nothing. I am still training for my 10-miler and am getting more confident that I'll be able to do it with no issues. But running without eating right is a waste of my time. I'm moving backwards, not forward.

So I hearby make you a promise (or two or three). I promise to eat better and track whatever I put in my mouth. I promise to exercise on a regular basis. I promise to not have to go buy pants because mine are getting a bit tighter. And I promise that I WILL become the person who inspires others to lose weight. I'm done telling myself that I'll start tomorrow because I've already messed up today.

So onto the good stuff. I ran my first official 5K of the summer on Saturday morning. I had to walk  once due to cramping in my side but it was only a short distance. I finished in 35:22 and placed 163 out of the 343 females that ran/walked. Not too shabby for little ol' me.

Saturday night we went to the beer tent with Glenn's brother and sister. Rowan, of course, was the life of the party. He proceeded to run up and down the side of the tent, swing on poles, and generally be the giant goofball that he is. I proceeded to drink a pitcher of beer (a small pitcher) and watch and laugh. I really should get a mother of the year award. You're probably thinking that all I do is drink and laugh at my child, which is partially true. It's cause he's so damn funny. I hate the age between 18 months and 2 1/2 because he doesn't listen but the things that come out of his mouth and the things he does just crack me up.

The crappiest part of my weekend: trying on jeans. I decided I needed a new pair of jeans so I stopped by Target on my way home from work on Friday. I grabbed several different brands and types (all in my size) and hit the dressing room. 1st pair, bootcut normal looking jeans. Couldn't get them up over my legs. 2nd pair, bootcut normal looking jeans. Couldn't get them buttoned. 3rd pair, skinny jeans (just for fun). Hmmm, no. 4th pair, mom like jeans (icky) that are supposed to slim you down. Got them on but I looked like I tried to stuff sausages into the legs. Aall of these were my size so why did none of them fit me? I was beyond pissed off. So I went to Maurices. The first pair I tried on fit. What?!? Pants in my size that actually fit when I tried them on? It's a miracle! Either Target is out to get me, which is ridiculous given the amount of money I spend there on a weekly basis, or the fashion world has decided to change it's sizing on pants to annoy people. I seriously haven't bought a pair of jeans in over a year. I know I've gained weight but how is it that you can go from one store where nothing fits to another store where you have no issues? I know it has to do with different brands and where they make them and all that. I'm just bitter and am trying to shift the blame, hence the reason I am chubby in the first place.

Tonight I start Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. I've heard lots of good things from people who have seen results with it. I've also heard it's a complete ass kicker. If I can't move on Wednesday, you'll know why. Measurements and before photos to come.

Spandex in August

Observations from today's run:

1. I heart spandex. Those are words I never thought would come out of my mouth. My new running capris are unbelieveable. Seriously, it felt like I was running naked. Not a great image but I love them so much. My only issue is that my underwear kept sliding down. Not bad but enough that it bothered me. I'm considering running sans granny panties (no I don't really wear those...at least not a majority of the time) but am struggling a little bit. I HATE not wearing underwear so this is a huge deal for me. I need to mull this one.

2. My new running shoes are...different. They support my feet slightly better than my old running shoes and are much more lightweight. However, I noticed every time I put my foot down that it looks like a moose has just taken a step. My foot flattens out and the sides expand just ever so much. Gross. Oh, and see what I mean about the neon? I think I'll glow in the dark if I go running at night.

3. I have a love/hate relationship with August. I love it because it's my birthday month. I love it because it means the state fair is almost here. I love it because running is bearable as compared to July. I love it because it's my birthday month (hint hint - I accept gifts in the form of gift cards or cash). I also hate it for many reasons. It means that summer is almost over. It means that cold weather is quickly approaching and I will never be ready for snow. Cute boots and sweaters and football, yes. Cold weather, no. It means that the sky grows darker a lot earlier and that's just not cool.

On another note, my birthday is next week. No, that's not another hint for presents (although I will never turn one down, lol). I'm sort of not looking forward to it. My little brother left for college yesterday and I'm really feeling my age. When he was born, I was 14. He was one of those "oops" babies you hear about. Anyway, I remember thinking to myself "god, when he graduates from high school I'm going to be 32". Yup, I was 32 when he graduated in May which means I turn 33 next Thursday. I always thought he'd stay little forever but alas. Damn you Father Time, you're moving me along faster than I would like.

My mother is slightly sad, at least from what I could tell from her tone yesterday. She and my dad are finally empty nesters. Not that you ever knew Jared was around because he pretty much lived in his room. She'll have to fill her time with crafts and reading and watching one of her favorite grandson's (hint hint).

Tomorrow we head for Winona and Goodview Days. Beer tents, parades, and my first official 5K of the summer. I'm gonna wear my spandex again. Cause it's awesome.

Bad Things Happen at Kohl's

Bad things happen when I go to Kohl's (or shopping in general). I buy things, much to my husband's chagrin, I lose track of time and spend an hour and a half wandering around and trying things on, I buy spandex. Oh yeah, you heard me right. I. Bought. Spandex.

Now, I loathe spandex and I have sworn up and down that I will never buy it. But lately I've seen a lot of other runners wearing the form fitting capri running pants and I thought, those must be nice. I'm going to get a pair. And let me tell you, it's like wearing a pair of pants made of marshmallows. Those things are so soft and so damn comfortable. I'm testing them out tomorrow on my run.

I also purchased a lovely peach chiffon blouse, which is grandma speak for a top, a stretch belt, and a new hair accessory. I'm trying to do more with accessories like scarves or flower hair clips. More to come on that.

You know what else I want? A pair of skinny jeans. What!?!? That's right...skinny jeans. Again, something I have told myself I will never purchase but I really want a pair. And then I want a pair of pointy toed knee high boots to wear over them. Hmmm...maybe for my birthday.

Last night I purchased a new pair of running shoes. I'm hoping that will help with my knee issues. Here's my gripe with running shoes in today's society...they are all neon. Neon is not cool!!! I should know because I survived the 80's. I tried on 4 different types and finally settled for the tamest ones I could find that were the most comfortable. They're gray with neon pink and yellow on them. They sound horrific but they're actually not that bad. I will be debuting them along with my spandex tomorrow.

Tomorrow's night run is 2 miles. Piece of red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. Laters, baby.