As an overweight person, I am chock full of insecurities. This probably doesn't come as a surprise to you. Actually, I think everyone, whether they're fat or not, deals with some sort of insecurity on a daily basis.
I know sometimes I can come across as tough and not caring but that is so far from the truth. I care what people think. Every time I post a new blog, I constantly check my phone to see if anyone commented or I log into the site to see how many people have read it. I say that this is just for me but I WANT that validation. How lame is that!?! Well, ok, it's not lame. It's completely normal. I just wish I could post something and be ok if no one reads it. Someday I'll get there.
I also have a false sense of security. I mean, I look at myself every day in the mirror and I can see that I've gained weight. I certainly don't have a magic mirror. But I don't think I see how much I've actually gained. Well, until I look at pictures. I happened to look at the official pictures from the 10-mile and all I can say is damn. It's kind of like shamu is running a race. Seriously...shamu. It scares me because I can't see what I've become unless I look closely from the outside. I lie and tell myself that it's ok, that I've just gained a few pounds, but reality is not a pretty picture.
I lack the motivation to get my ass in gear and believe me, I've tried desperately to find it. I have no problem running. In fact, I'm doing a 5k on the 27th. It's the eating component that is dragging me down. You would think it wouldn't be difficult to tell myself to put down the cheeseburger and walk away. You would think I could say, no, Erin, a salad is better for you than the plate of wings. And you would think that someone who is tired of being seen as the fat person in the group would be able to do those things without fail. But you'd be wrong. Because fat people always have an excuse for why they look the way they do. And excuses overrule reality.
I clearly am a woman in need of help. I need your motivation. I need your inspiration. And I need you to tell me to get off my fat ass and become the woman that I know is hidden inside. She's begging to be let out.
Don't be so hard on yourself, girl!
ReplyDeleteMy motivation has been making myself go to the gym & take the bootcamp classes... with other people. I never would push myself as hard as the instructors do. Granted, I only go twice a week, which is enough to maintain my weight (not put any on, but not lose any more either). Really the only way I lost weight was by dieting and going to the gym 3-4 times a week. I'm down 20lbs, but I've plateaed because I'm just trying portion control (and lost interest in dieting).
But if you are going to make a commitment to eat better, you've got to get Glenn on board too, so you can be a team. Too hard to do by yourself. Kinda like AA- you need a sponsor to call and motivate you. :) I love that you are writing about this.
Oh, and for me, seeing pictures of myself is also motivation. Last Christmas was NOT pretty for me.
Good luck! This battle is never over.
You are such an inspiration, Erin. I've been (silently) following this blog and cheering your progress. WAY TO GO on the 10-miler, I definitely would've died at mile 2. :o)
ReplyDeleteSince you're asking for motivation, I'm gonna preach Whole30. This is the plan Matt and I have been following since September 3rd (we're actually doing a Whole60). Is it strict? YES - but it's not forever. Is it full of tough love? YES - but you will love the way the book is written, it's like they're talking to us, sassy ladies extraordinaire (it is full of hilarity and smashy-goodness).
So start by checking out the web site: www.whole9life.com - and see if you might be even remotely interested. It will require some sacrifice: no sugar or artificial sweeteners, no alcohol, no legumes, no dairy, and no grains for 30 whole days, and if you slip up, you have to start over (OMG!) BUT - as they say - it is only 30 days. And you'll be eating really good protein, fruit, veggies, coconut, nuts...yummy stuff. There's even a buffalo chicken salad recipe, your own homemade mayo, ranch dressing, etc...
I actually bought the book on Amazon. Even if you're not sure you want to do the program, the book is a great read. It's called "It Starts With Food."
Proof's in the pudding, as it were...I have lost 17.4 pounds since September 3rd, and I feel awesome. The GOOD news about the plan is after 30 days, you "reintroduce" each thing you eliminated. The point is to see what foods irritate your body, and what you can live with. So it doesn't mean giving up dairy forever, or even sugar or alcohol (though I am totally amazed - my cravings have pretty much died off completely at this point; don't even miss it).
I totally hear where you're coming from - as you know, I have struggled with my weight my entire life. This is the VERY first plan that has worked so well for me. Weight Watchers still allows me to eat my "trigger" foods so I was never able to keep the weight off. This has been hard but so rewarding, and I got to buy new (smaller) pants for the first time in literally 4 years.
Whatever you decide (Whole30 or no) - you are an amazing woman and an inspiration to all who read your blog. Hang in there! And let me know if you wanna talk about any of this offline. :o)
xo
Elise