Now, here's my disclaimer: I am in no way saying that I had it worse than anyone else out there. We've all had our struggles with being a single parent or having a loved one taken away from us for an extended period of time. I'm not writing this for sympathy or to draw anymore attention to myself than I already do. This is simply another chapter in my struggle with losing weight.
We'd known for about 7-8 months that Glenn was going to get deployed. Did we ever know concrete details up until a few months before? Of course not. We just knew it was going to happen. Glenn was part of the Red Bulls that left on Memorial Day 2011 for Fort McCoy in Wisconsin.
The troops were stationed at Fort McCoy until the middle of July. We were able to talk every day and I got to see him twice before they left for Kuwait but that didn't make it any easier. I was alone with a 1-year old.
Now don't get wrong...Rowan is a great kid. I really can't complain, especially back then because he wasn't a troublemaker. He's always been a happy-go-lucky kid but when you're the sole individual taking care of a child, they eventually become the devil. I did my best and had one of the best support systems possible but I still had my struggles.
Being in Kuwait, Glenn was 8 hours ahead of me. We were able to skype or instant message almost every day but it was at odd hours for both of us. He didn't get to see Rowan as much as he probably would have liked and Rowan was in the stage where he could have cared less about looking at Daddy on the computer. Still, we somehow made it work.
At first, I just kept thinking, "how on earth am I going to survive this next year by myself"? I kept myself busy. I ran a few 5k's throughout the summer, took Rowan on walks, etc. My best friend and I bought a couple of groupons and did some fitness classes throughout the fall. We managed to drag our butts through kickboxing and about 10 of those Look Good Naked classes. Her husband was nice enough to watch Rowan for me while we went to class one night a week.
Those classes gave me a temporary moment of freedom, not to mention the opportunity to workout. Before Glenn left, I was down to about 170 pounds. I managed to get down to 163 by the time he got home for R & R in December. All in all, I felt great.
Once the first of the year hit, life took a different spin. A majority of my job is to assist with the planning of our Annual Meeting, which is always held in the spring. That meant from January through March/April, I was in constant motion. I'd go to work, pick up Rowan, eat supper quick, do more work, and go to bed. The next day was the same. And the one after that. And the one after that. I bet you can see the pattern.
Because I was constantly on the go, I ate out...a lot. At that point, I didn't care about working out or attempting to lose weight. I was in a struggle to just simply survive. Rowan got to be more and more independent as the months went by so we always seemed to be battling each other. At the end of January, Rowan was diagnosed with RSV. It's essentially a really really bad cold that makes it hard for kids to breathe. Luckily I caught it in time but the poor guy had to take nebs for about a week. I remember panicking when I found out he had this. I didn't know what it meant and the jerk doctor scared me by saying that a majority of the kids who get RSV end up in the hospital in an oxygen tent. I called my mom crying because I was so overwhelmed and didn't know what to do. Luckily she works for Mayo and could explain things in terms that I understood. She even took time off to come up and help me deal with him.
Throughout February I continued my battle with eating. It wasn't really so much a battle as I pretty much ate what I wanted without considering the consequences. Along with that came anxiety. At least twice a week, I would end up feeling sick to my stomach and would get the chills that wouldn't go away. After some time went by, I figured out the pattern. They started after Rowan got RSV and I would feel that way every time he would get sick or tell me something hurt. He was my trigger. I remember one day I dropped Rowan off at daycare, feeling like crap, mind you, and thought, oh, it'll get better once I get to work and get busy. Nope, not so much. On my drive home that night, I actually cried because I didn't want to go get him. I wanted to be alone but I couldn't do that. I had a responsibility as a parent...the only parent at that. Thank god for drugs. *I'm doing much better now. Thank you for asking.*
In April I headed out for New Orleans and two weeks of alone time. Well, not really alone time considering I was with my co-workers and about 12,000 attendees but you know what I mean. Rowan split his time between the grandparents and really could have cared less that I was gone. Two weeks later I was home...and so was Glenn.
We picked him up in St. Paul on May 1 and I have to say, life is so much better! By the time Glenn got home, I was back up to about 170. Not too bad considering the three months before. It was after he got home that I took a turn for the worst, which you would know if you've read my previous blogs.
I still look back and wonder how I made it. I honestly couldn't have done it without my family and my friends. So thank you to all of you supported me, whether it was talking or listening to me, being there for me, helping out with Rowan, and just keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. I especially owe my parents, Glenn's parents, my best friend and her husband, and a couple of my very dear friends at work. Not that I don't owe the rest of you but you know.
Now that I've depressed you all, let's move on. I've had a crappy day of budgets and stupid people so tonight...I drink! Yes, I'm well aware that it goes against my diet. No, I don't care because I'm still going to do the 30ds tonight. And run 3 miles tomorrow. So there.
Hugs and kisses!
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