I'm a fraud. I'm not the inspiration I want to be or the inspiration you might believe me to be. When I first started this blog, it was about training for my 10-miler but I quickly launched into this tirade about my weight. I wanted to get fit and live a healthy lifestyle and I preached about how I was going to inspire others. The truth is, I've gained 5 pounds since I started this blog because I haven't cared enough. I had to face a harsh reality this morning when I jumped on that scale and it makes me want to cry. I've continued with my unhealthy lifestyle but just thrown a little running into the mix. I haven't been the person I want to be or should be. They say old habits die hard and let me tell you, overeating is one habit that needs to fucking die and burn in hell.
I'm so ashamed to admit that I'm up to 189 pounds. I hate who I've let myself become. Every day I picture myself in a thin body, in cute size 4 clothes, in skinny jeans with platform heels, and every day I say I'm going to do something about it. Only I never do. Rinse and repeat. Well, not nothing. I am still training for my 10-miler and am getting more confident that I'll be able to do it with no issues. But running without eating right is a waste of my time. I'm moving backwards, not forward.
So I hearby make you a promise (or two or three). I promise to eat better and track whatever I put in my mouth. I promise to exercise on a regular basis. I promise to not have to go buy pants because mine are getting a bit tighter. And I promise that I WILL become the person who inspires others to lose weight. I'm done telling myself that I'll start tomorrow because I've already messed up today.
So onto the good stuff. I ran my first official 5K of the summer on Saturday morning. I had to walk once due to cramping in my side but it was only a short distance. I finished in 35:22 and placed 163 out of the 343 females that ran/walked. Not too shabby for little ol' me.
Saturday night we went to the beer tent with Glenn's brother and sister. Rowan, of course, was the life of the party. He proceeded to run up and down the side of the tent, swing on poles, and generally be the giant goofball that he is. I proceeded to drink a pitcher of beer (a small pitcher) and watch and laugh. I really should get a mother of the year award. You're probably thinking that all I do is drink and laugh at my child, which is partially true. It's cause he's so damn funny. I hate the age between 18 months and 2 1/2 because he doesn't listen but the things that come out of his mouth and the things he does just crack me up.
The crappiest part of my weekend: trying on jeans. I decided I needed a new pair of jeans so I stopped by Target on my way home from work on Friday. I grabbed several different brands and types (all in my size) and hit the dressing room. 1st pair, bootcut normal looking jeans. Couldn't get them up over my legs. 2nd pair, bootcut normal looking jeans. Couldn't get them buttoned. 3rd pair, skinny jeans (just for fun). Hmmm, no. 4th pair, mom like jeans (icky) that are supposed to slim you down. Got them on but I looked like I tried to stuff sausages into the legs. Aall of these were my size so why did none of them fit me? I was beyond pissed off. So I went to Maurices. The first pair I tried on fit. What?!? Pants in my size that actually fit when I tried them on? It's a miracle! Either Target is out to get me, which is ridiculous given the amount of money I spend there on a weekly basis, or the fashion world has decided to change it's sizing on pants to annoy people. I seriously haven't bought a pair of jeans in over a year. I know I've gained weight but how is it that you can go from one store where nothing fits to another store where you have no issues? I know it has to do with different brands and where they make them and all that. I'm just bitter and am trying to shift the blame, hence the reason I am chubby in the first place.
Tonight I start Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. I've heard lots of good things from people who have seen results with it. I've also heard it's a complete ass kicker. If I can't move on Wednesday, you'll know why. Measurements and before photos to come.
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