I am a Shoe Whore Amongst Other Things

First of all, I skipped my run last night. Eek! I had more important things to do like help throw a surprise party for a very dear friend of mine. Yes, we did it on a Tuesday night. No, we did not care that we all had to work the next day. It went off without a hitch and she was pleasantly surprised. I will make myself run extra long tomorrow night to make up for it.

Second of all, how many of you really, truly know me? I know there are a few. Glenn Jackson, if you answer no, you are fired! For instance, did you know that I don't like it when my food touches on my plate? I'm sure you're all thinking, god, what a weirdo. And you would be right.

So, without further ado, 23 things you may not know about me. Why 23? Because I was born on the 23rd and it's just an awesome number. It has nothing to do with Michael Jordan.

1. I am overly sarcastic. I'm sure many of you have figured this out by now. I feel it helps me get through my day.
2. I kind of want to pierce my nose but I'm pretty sure I'm too old now.
3. I love to sing karaoke. I have a decent voice. Not American Idol worthy but decent enough. I mean, I don't go off pitch or forget words unless I've had a few too many cocktails.
4. I want three kids. My husband wants the option to negotiate for four. If he wants to carry the fourth one and pop it out his va-jay-jay, he's more than welcome to.
5. I hate most reptiles unless they're in shoe or purse form.
6. Someday I would like to visit an island. A real island where there are fruity drinks and cabana boys and white sandy beaches and is not a US state. I've been to Hawaii; it doesn't count.
7. I would re-do certain things with my wedding. Bridesmaids would have worn black instead of light green. I would have lost more weight so I didn't have semi-fat face. I would have worn different lipstick. And Glenn Jackson and I would have high-fived after they prounounced us husband and wife like I wanted to. It is not acceptable to tell me 2 months later than it would have been cool if we had done that.
8. I hearts me some mexican food. I really like nachos with the gooey melty cheese that is so bad for you.
9. I will add onions to almost anything. Don't try and make out with me and you won't have to deal with the aftermath. Jeez.
10. I'm a total mama bear when it comes to my friends. It's ok for me to make fun of them (they make fun of me, too) but if you get out of line, I will fight back.
11. My day would not be complete if I didn't "fight" with my workstation mate.
12. I hate swimming in lakes. I'll do it but I hate it. There are fish and seaweed and sharp rocks in lakes.
13. I love to dress up in fancy dresses and get my hair done. And while I look fancy, I manage to downplay it by drinking beer and swearing.
14. My favorite swear word is "fuck". I say it A LOT. Sorry mom (she doesn't like it when I use that word).
15. I completely live up to my hair color. Bitchy, feisty, bad tempered...I'm all of those things wrapped in a bright, shiny bow.
16. I tried to ride a unicycle once. I fell down before I even got up and that was with help. I blame it on the alcohol.
17. Have I mentioned I like booze? I'm a beer and wine person. Not really into hard liquor but if you plop a Cherry Bomb down in front of me, I'm all over it.
18. My boobs are real. I am a 36D. I admit I have nice boobs. Someday I'll treat them to a lift.
19. I like to tell Glenn Jackson that when I turn 40, I'm gonna move to Vegas and become a cougar.
20. I would really like to own a teacup pig. They're super tiny and cute and would fit in my purse. I'I wonder if my cats would eat it. They like ham.
21. I am a shoe whore. I have so many pairs that just end up sitting in my closet yet I continue to buy more. Usually black ones. You can never have enough pairs of black shoes.
22. I like to think I'm super funny, especially when I'm hammed up. Not everyone agrees with this. I don't care.
23. Someday I will own a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes. The pair I really want is only $945. I'm hoping I get lucky in Vegas at the end of September. Or, if somebody would like to buy them for me for my birthday, I am a size 8 and they look like this:

So, there you go. I am an open book. Ask me anything. I'm not shy.