Memoirs of an Army Wife

I've been thinking about writing this post for awhile now. For those of you who don't know, my husband was deployed to Kuwait for a year. He left at the end of May in 2011 and just got back this May.

Now, here's my disclaimer: I am in no way saying that I had it worse than anyone else out there. We've all had our struggles with being a single parent or having a loved one taken away from us for an extended period of time. I'm not writing this for sympathy or to draw anymore attention to myself than I already do. This is simply another chapter in my struggle with losing weight.

We'd known for about 7-8 months that Glenn was going to get deployed. Did we ever know concrete details up until a few months before? Of course not. We just knew it was going to happen. Glenn was part of the Red Bulls that left on Memorial Day 2011 for Fort McCoy in Wisconsin.

The troops were stationed at Fort McCoy until the middle of July. We were able to talk every day and I got to see him twice before they left for Kuwait but that didn't make it any easier. I was alone with a 1-year old.

Now don't get wrong...Rowan is a great kid. I really can't complain, especially back then because he wasn't a troublemaker. He's always been a happy-go-lucky kid but when you're the sole individual taking care of a child, they eventually become the devil. I did my best and had one of the best support systems possible but I still had my struggles.

Being in Kuwait, Glenn was 8 hours ahead of me. We were able to skype or instant message almost every day but it was at odd hours for both of us. He didn't get to see Rowan as much as he probably would have liked and Rowan was in the stage where he could have cared less about looking at Daddy on the computer. Still, we somehow made it work.

At first, I just kept thinking, "how on earth am I going to survive this next year by myself"? I kept myself busy. I ran a few 5k's throughout the summer, took Rowan on walks, etc. My best friend and I bought a couple of groupons and did some fitness classes throughout the fall. We managed to drag our butts through kickboxing and about 10 of those Look Good Naked classes. Her husband was nice enough to watch Rowan for me while we went to class one night a week.

Those classes gave me a temporary moment of freedom, not to mention the opportunity to workout. Before Glenn left, I was down to about 170 pounds. I managed to get down to 163 by the time he got home for R & R in December. All in all, I felt great.

Once the first of the year hit, life took a different spin. A majority of my job is to assist with the planning of our Annual Meeting, which is always held in the spring. That meant from January through March/April, I was in constant motion. I'd go to work, pick up Rowan, eat supper quick, do more work, and go to bed. The next day was the same. And the one after that. And the one after that. I bet you can see the pattern.

Because I was constantly on the go, I ate out...a lot. At that point, I didn't care about working out or attempting to lose weight. I was in a struggle to just simply survive. Rowan got to be more and more independent as the months went by so we always seemed to be battling each other. At the end of January, Rowan was diagnosed with RSV. It's essentially a really really bad cold that makes it hard for kids to breathe. Luckily I caught it in time but the poor guy had to take nebs for about a week. I remember panicking when I found out he had this. I didn't know what it meant and the jerk doctor scared me by saying that a majority of the kids who get RSV end up in the hospital in an oxygen tent. I called my mom crying because I was so overwhelmed and didn't know what to do. Luckily she works for Mayo and could explain things in terms that I understood. She even took time off to come up and help me deal with him.

Throughout February I continued my battle with eating. It wasn't really so much a battle as I pretty much ate what I wanted without considering the consequences. Along with that came anxiety. At least twice a week, I would end up feeling sick to my stomach and would get the chills that wouldn't go away. After some time went by, I figured out the pattern. They started after Rowan got RSV and I would feel that way every time he would get sick or tell me something hurt. He was my trigger. I remember one day I dropped Rowan off at daycare, feeling like crap, mind you, and thought, oh, it'll get better once I get to work and get busy. Nope, not so much. On my drive home that night, I actually cried because I didn't want to go get him. I wanted to be alone but I couldn't do that. I had a responsibility as a parent...the only parent at that. Thank god for drugs. *I'm doing much better now. Thank you for asking.*

In April I headed out for New Orleans and two weeks of alone time. Well, not really alone time considering I was with my co-workers and about 12,000 attendees but you know what I mean. Rowan split his time between the grandparents and really could have cared less that I was gone. Two weeks later I was home...and so was Glenn.

We picked him up in St. Paul on May 1 and I have to say, life is so much better! By the time Glenn got home, I was back up to about 170. Not too bad considering the three months before. It was after he got home that I took a turn for the worst, which you would know if you've read my previous blogs.

I still look back and wonder how I made it. I honestly couldn't have done it without my family and my friends. So thank you to all of you supported me, whether it was talking or listening to me, being there for me, helping out with Rowan, and just keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. I especially owe my parents, Glenn's parents, my best friend and her husband, and a couple of my very dear friends at work. Not that I don't owe the rest of you but you know.

Now that I've depressed you all, let's move on. I've had a crappy day of budgets and stupid people so tonight...I drink! Yes, I'm well aware that it goes against my diet. No, I don't care because I'm still going to do the 30ds tonight. And run 3 miles tomorrow. So there.

Hugs and kisses!

Last Night's Run = Shitty

Last night was awful. I had a decent day of eating considering it was Food Truck Day for my team. We hit up the food trucks along Marquette in Downtown Minneapolis. I could have done way worse than the shrimp tacos I had. I even had healthy snacks! I think my downfall was not drinking enough water.

I did 3 miles last night and they totally sucked. I was hot (because I ran at 6:00 at night directly into the sun), I was thirsty, my knee hurt, and I really had to go to the bathroom. My god, I'm such a whiner. I mean, how many times have you heard me bitch and complain about how much my runs suck and how I should be happy that I at least completed the distance. A lot. I continue to torment myself instead of trying to maintain a positive attitude about my training. And the kicker..I was supposed to do 4 miles according to my schedule. Arrrhhh!

I completely skipped the 30ds last night because I was wasted. Not drunk, people. Just extremely tired. I actually had to ice my knee so I figured I probably shouldn't attempt to do squats and jump around. I'll get back into it tonight after my 40 minutes of cross training.

I did start level 2 on Monday night and it is WAY harder than level 1. I was actually grunting and screaming in order to get through it. I was one of those annoying people you see at the gym who you're totally embarassed for. You know who I'm talking about.

Next Saturday (Sept 8) I'm doing the Warrior Dash in Hugo. A good friend of mine was supposed to do it with me but she had to cancel on me (with a very good reason!). Her friend is running an ultra marathon up north and he needs someone at every aid station to help him out and just be there for general support. For those of you who don't know what an ultra is, he's running 100 miles. Craziness! I can totally understand why he would need support.

Anyway, if anyone is interested in coming out and watching me or running with me (it's not that bad!), I'm running at 3 p.m. I'm going to be all by my lonesome. *sniff sniff* *tear*

I kid. I'll be fine. But seriously, if anyone wants to run it with me, let me know. We can always transfer my friend's registration over to you. It's such a blast! And that's saying something for a girl who hates mud and getting dirty.

The Hulk, Phil-hole, and Nerds

My birthday extravaganza has concluded. Last Thursday, my actual birthday, was awesome. I've been feeling anxious about turning 33 mostly because my little brother finally went to college, which made me feel really old. My day started and ended with food. I figured since it was my birthday, I would have a by against my diet. After work, my team went out for happy hour at the Republic. One beer and a couple of apps later and I made my home. Glenn and Rowan surprised me with a party complete with a sign and hats. Rowan, of course, wanted cake. He sat and stared at the cupcakes for like an hour until we let him have one.

Friday a good friend and former co-worker was in town so a few of us went and had lunch at Wasabi. It was so awesome to see him. He lives in New York and hadn't been home in a year. Of course the visit was too short but at least we got a chance to see him.

Saturday consisted of a birthday party for one of Rowan's neighbor friends and...girls night!!! I haven't had a girls night since May I think. Glenn was nice enough to drive us downtown. We had dinner and drinks at the Bradstreet at the Graves and then went to Kieran's. At Kieran's, we met Phil-hole. We're sitting there minding our own business when this jackass in a blazer pulls up a chair and sits down with us. He was completely hammered, slurring his words, and acted like a complete douche. Thank god he didn't stick around long.

We hit up a couple more bars after Kieran's. Our last stop of the evening was the 508 club. We heard music when we walked in the door and immediately headed downstairs only to realize that the Eden Prairie Class of 2002 was having their reunion down there. So we crashed it. And who did we see down there? Why Phil-hole of course. Luckily he didn't see us. We also saw these awesome nerds who were wearing shirts that lit up to the beat of the music. I, of course, insisted on getting my picture taken with them.

We finally got home at 1 a.m. Getting up this morning for my 5 mile run was a little brutal. I didn't get drunk last night but I was dehydrated and tired. Glenn made me take some C4, which is basically a pre-workout with a lot of caffeine in it. It tasted like I was licking a lot of fun dip.

I felt really decent on my run today. Glenn kept track of our mileage but didn't tell me how far we went. We ran out past the hospital and up through St. Olaf's campus. I had to walk a little bit because of cramping but overall I did a decent job. We stopped at the park so Rowan could play for a little bit and by the time we made it home, we had gone 6 miles. I haven't ran/walked 6 miles since the 10k I did when Rowan was 6 months old. I've totally got this 10 miler!

30 Day Shred: Day 1

Two posts in one day? Who's excited!?! Be forewarned: You're gonna see some of me that I haven't shown in public in a long time.

I started Jillian Michael's 30 day shred tonight. After my 2-mile run. As much as I was dreading it, it was a nice end to a nice run. The weather has been beautiful here in Minnesota and we've been taking advantage of it as much as we can. Tonight we did our standard 2-mile route and came home. Glenn was nice enough to make supper (chicken fajitas...yum!) while I did the Shred.

If I were a lesbian, I'd totally make out with Jillian Michaels. Hell, I think I'd do it now. She has a smokin' body and can totally kick my ass. 30 day shred has three different levels. I, of course, started with the beginner level. I gotta say, it wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting. It was only 20 minutes but she keeps you going the entire time. When I got done, I was tired but felt so awesome.

And now for the horror. I took my measurements and a couple of before shots. It's not pretty.

I'm not even going to post the back side. Nobody needs to see that.

Measurements:

Neck: 15 1/4

Right arm: 13 1/4

Left arm: 13

Chest: 43

Waist: 44

Hips: 47

Right leg: 26

Left leg: 26

Hey, at least my legs are proportional! I at least have that going for me considering my hips could probably knock down a small child. You know, like when the dog gets excited and the tail takes out everything in its path.

Ugh, well, it's a start. The 30 day countdown starts now!

Frauds and 5K's

I'm a fraud. I'm not the inspiration I want to be or the inspiration you might believe me to be. When I first started this blog, it was about training for my 10-miler but I quickly launched into this tirade about my weight. I wanted to get fit and live a healthy lifestyle and I preached about how I was going to inspire others. The truth is, I've gained 5 pounds since I started this blog because I haven't cared enough. I had to face a harsh reality this morning when I jumped on that scale and it makes me want to cry. I've continued with my unhealthy lifestyle but just thrown a little running into the mix. I haven't been the person I want to be or should be. They say old habits die hard and let me tell you, overeating is one habit that needs to fucking die and burn in hell.

I'm so ashamed to admit that I'm up to 189 pounds. I hate who I've let myself become. Every day I picture myself in a thin body, in cute size 4 clothes, in skinny jeans with platform heels, and every day I say I'm going to do something about it. Only I never do. Rinse and repeat. Well, not nothing. I am still training for my 10-miler and am getting more confident that I'll be able to do it with no issues. But running without eating right is a waste of my time. I'm moving backwards, not forward.

So I hearby make you a promise (or two or three). I promise to eat better and track whatever I put in my mouth. I promise to exercise on a regular basis. I promise to not have to go buy pants because mine are getting a bit tighter. And I promise that I WILL become the person who inspires others to lose weight. I'm done telling myself that I'll start tomorrow because I've already messed up today.

So onto the good stuff. I ran my first official 5K of the summer on Saturday morning. I had to walk  once due to cramping in my side but it was only a short distance. I finished in 35:22 and placed 163 out of the 343 females that ran/walked. Not too shabby for little ol' me.

Saturday night we went to the beer tent with Glenn's brother and sister. Rowan, of course, was the life of the party. He proceeded to run up and down the side of the tent, swing on poles, and generally be the giant goofball that he is. I proceeded to drink a pitcher of beer (a small pitcher) and watch and laugh. I really should get a mother of the year award. You're probably thinking that all I do is drink and laugh at my child, which is partially true. It's cause he's so damn funny. I hate the age between 18 months and 2 1/2 because he doesn't listen but the things that come out of his mouth and the things he does just crack me up.

The crappiest part of my weekend: trying on jeans. I decided I needed a new pair of jeans so I stopped by Target on my way home from work on Friday. I grabbed several different brands and types (all in my size) and hit the dressing room. 1st pair, bootcut normal looking jeans. Couldn't get them up over my legs. 2nd pair, bootcut normal looking jeans. Couldn't get them buttoned. 3rd pair, skinny jeans (just for fun). Hmmm, no. 4th pair, mom like jeans (icky) that are supposed to slim you down. Got them on but I looked like I tried to stuff sausages into the legs. Aall of these were my size so why did none of them fit me? I was beyond pissed off. So I went to Maurices. The first pair I tried on fit. What?!? Pants in my size that actually fit when I tried them on? It's a miracle! Either Target is out to get me, which is ridiculous given the amount of money I spend there on a weekly basis, or the fashion world has decided to change it's sizing on pants to annoy people. I seriously haven't bought a pair of jeans in over a year. I know I've gained weight but how is it that you can go from one store where nothing fits to another store where you have no issues? I know it has to do with different brands and where they make them and all that. I'm just bitter and am trying to shift the blame, hence the reason I am chubby in the first place.

Tonight I start Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. I've heard lots of good things from people who have seen results with it. I've also heard it's a complete ass kicker. If I can't move on Wednesday, you'll know why. Measurements and before photos to come.

Spandex in August

Observations from today's run:

1. I heart spandex. Those are words I never thought would come out of my mouth. My new running capris are unbelieveable. Seriously, it felt like I was running naked. Not a great image but I love them so much. My only issue is that my underwear kept sliding down. Not bad but enough that it bothered me. I'm considering running sans granny panties (no I don't really wear those...at least not a majority of the time) but am struggling a little bit. I HATE not wearing underwear so this is a huge deal for me. I need to mull this one.

2. My new running shoes are...different. They support my feet slightly better than my old running shoes and are much more lightweight. However, I noticed every time I put my foot down that it looks like a moose has just taken a step. My foot flattens out and the sides expand just ever so much. Gross. Oh, and see what I mean about the neon? I think I'll glow in the dark if I go running at night.

3. I have a love/hate relationship with August. I love it because it's my birthday month. I love it because it means the state fair is almost here. I love it because running is bearable as compared to July. I love it because it's my birthday month (hint hint - I accept gifts in the form of gift cards or cash). I also hate it for many reasons. It means that summer is almost over. It means that cold weather is quickly approaching and I will never be ready for snow. Cute boots and sweaters and football, yes. Cold weather, no. It means that the sky grows darker a lot earlier and that's just not cool.

On another note, my birthday is next week. No, that's not another hint for presents (although I will never turn one down, lol). I'm sort of not looking forward to it. My little brother left for college yesterday and I'm really feeling my age. When he was born, I was 14. He was one of those "oops" babies you hear about. Anyway, I remember thinking to myself "god, when he graduates from high school I'm going to be 32". Yup, I was 32 when he graduated in May which means I turn 33 next Thursday. I always thought he'd stay little forever but alas. Damn you Father Time, you're moving me along faster than I would like.

My mother is slightly sad, at least from what I could tell from her tone yesterday. She and my dad are finally empty nesters. Not that you ever knew Jared was around because he pretty much lived in his room. She'll have to fill her time with crafts and reading and watching one of her favorite grandson's (hint hint).

Tomorrow we head for Winona and Goodview Days. Beer tents, parades, and my first official 5K of the summer. I'm gonna wear my spandex again. Cause it's awesome.

Bad Things Happen at Kohl's

Bad things happen when I go to Kohl's (or shopping in general). I buy things, much to my husband's chagrin, I lose track of time and spend an hour and a half wandering around and trying things on, I buy spandex. Oh yeah, you heard me right. I. Bought. Spandex.

Now, I loathe spandex and I have sworn up and down that I will never buy it. But lately I've seen a lot of other runners wearing the form fitting capri running pants and I thought, those must be nice. I'm going to get a pair. And let me tell you, it's like wearing a pair of pants made of marshmallows. Those things are so soft and so damn comfortable. I'm testing them out tomorrow on my run.

I also purchased a lovely peach chiffon blouse, which is grandma speak for a top, a stretch belt, and a new hair accessory. I'm trying to do more with accessories like scarves or flower hair clips. More to come on that.

You know what else I want? A pair of skinny jeans. What!?!? That's right...skinny jeans. Again, something I have told myself I will never purchase but I really want a pair. And then I want a pair of pointy toed knee high boots to wear over them. Hmmm...maybe for my birthday.

Last night I purchased a new pair of running shoes. I'm hoping that will help with my knee issues. Here's my gripe with running shoes in today's society...they are all neon. Neon is not cool!!! I should know because I survived the 80's. I tried on 4 different types and finally settled for the tamest ones I could find that were the most comfortable. They're gray with neon pink and yellow on them. They sound horrific but they're actually not that bad. I will be debuting them along with my spandex tomorrow.

Tomorrow's night run is 2 miles. Piece of red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. Laters, baby.

Beerfest, FSH, and Dangly Bits

Saturday's run = major suckage. I had a lot of issues on Saturday. Maybe it was the beer I drank the night before. Maybe it was the fact that I really had to go to the bathroom. I don't know. Whatever it was, I sucked ass. I started out decent but quickly failed the farther and farther away I got from my house. Ugh, oh well. At least I made it 4 miles, even if I had to walk part of it.

For Glenn's birthday, I got him a ticket to the Twin Cities Beerfest. Beerfest took place at the MOA on Saturday afternoon/evening.  I played sober cab for him and our friend Brian. Beerfest was awesome and I didn't even drink! There were a ton of vendors with at least 3 different types of beer at each stop. You walk in, they hand you a glass, and off you go. There's food trucks, games, music, and of course, drunk people. I think in the course of an hour and a half, the guys made it through 25 to 30 different beers. I don't think that was even 1/3 of what they could have tried.

How were they not falling down you ask? Well, the cup is clearly marked with a line at the 2 oz. mark so you can have a slight sample. Good theory but that mark has no meaning to most of the vendors. I did not have to carry them back to the car but there was some slurring going on.

One of the vendors was something Traveler. They gave away fake mustaches at their booth. Let me just say, I can rock a good 'stache.

My best friend was nice enough to watch Rowan along with her two kids while I played sober cab. We hit curfew and headed home just in time for her to take off for the Twins Game. Shoutout to Ang for watching the little kids while I dealt with the big kids!!

We concluded the evening with a trip to FSH or Farmington Steak House as you other folks might call it. FSH is a top notch establishment. Where else can you get a ribeye, baked potato, soup or salad, and texas toast for less than $8. Is it good quality meat? Will you get salmonella? Who knows. The point is, it's cheap. I myself stick to the cheeseburger and fries for $3. Now the fries may not be fully cooked but again, it's cheap. Our little family of three ate for $15. You can't even do that at McDonald's!

As I've mentioned before, I loves me a good laugh along with some good old people watching. Today, I hit a gold mine. I was out to lunch with a couple of co-workers at Tugg's, which is just along the river. We're chatting away when all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye, I see this middle aged guy running towards us on the other side of the street. I glance down and realize that running man has a slight issue. The issue being that his man parts are hanging out the bottom of his shorts just flopping in the wind. It was just weird because his man parts were covered with some sort of white fabric (I think) but yet I knew it wasn't part of the red shorts he was wearing. Being the adult that I am, I burst out laughing and covered my face with my hands trying to get the visual to disappear from my brain. I'm super classy like that. It was H-I-LARIOUS!!

On that note, I bid you adieu. Until next time peeps.

I'm Only 32...Who Really Needs Knees?

Yesterday's run was killer. Not in a bad way because I kicked ass! My knee has been bugging me for a few days now. It feels like it needs to crack but it won't. I debated about even going running but I knew I had to try and stick to my schedule since I hadn't run since Saturday.

My schedule said 2 miles but I pushed for 3. Glenn let me use his running watch since I need a new battery for mine so I could at least try and pace myself. And pace myself I did! I managed to stick to between a 10:30 and 11:00 minute pace and actually felt good about it. We took a new route and went up by Carleton for a change of scenery. Towards the end of the run, my knee started bugging me. I'm slightly worried about it but I think it might be because I've been picking up the pace. I'm sure my body is just trying to get used to it. Either that or my knee is rejecting me, kind of like my liver wants to every time I drink.

I'm finding this blog to be very therapeutic for me. At first I meant for this to be a place for me to journal about the goods and bads as I make my way to the TC 10-miler. It's become so much more than that. It's a place where I can be myself, where I don't need to worry about whether or not the laundry is getting done or figure out what we're having for supper. It's about me.

I've kept so much to myself for many years. Everyone knows bits and pieces but there isn't one person who knows everything I was going through as I gained and lost weight or how I felt the entire time that Glenn was deployed. I've never been a secretive person but I am very selective about who I give information to. I care deeply about my friends and my family. I spend so much time being there for them that I sometimes forget to be there for me. Don't get me wrong...I'm not bitching about that in any way. I'm very much a people person and I like to be there for others through their ups and downs. I just need to remember to let others be there for me, too.

Here is a little nugget for you...I love to laugh. Especially at stupid things. Like crazy cat photos.

How can anyone not think is is cute and funny? If you're not laughing, I'm pretty sure you have no soul. Or you hate cats, in which case, I'm not sure we can be friends. What's that you say? You adore me and don't know how you're going to function without me? Alright, fine, I'll take you back. But consider this a warning.

See...wit and sarcasm all rolled into one! I'm telling you, it's a gift. Peace out.

I am a Shoe Whore Amongst Other Things

First of all, I skipped my run last night. Eek! I had more important things to do like help throw a surprise party for a very dear friend of mine. Yes, we did it on a Tuesday night. No, we did not care that we all had to work the next day. It went off without a hitch and she was pleasantly surprised. I will make myself run extra long tomorrow night to make up for it.

Second of all, how many of you really, truly know me? I know there are a few. Glenn Jackson, if you answer no, you are fired! For instance, did you know that I don't like it when my food touches on my plate? I'm sure you're all thinking, god, what a weirdo. And you would be right.

So, without further ado, 23 things you may not know about me. Why 23? Because I was born on the 23rd and it's just an awesome number. It has nothing to do with Michael Jordan.

1. I am overly sarcastic. I'm sure many of you have figured this out by now. I feel it helps me get through my day.
2. I kind of want to pierce my nose but I'm pretty sure I'm too old now.
3. I love to sing karaoke. I have a decent voice. Not American Idol worthy but decent enough. I mean, I don't go off pitch or forget words unless I've had a few too many cocktails.
4. I want three kids. My husband wants the option to negotiate for four. If he wants to carry the fourth one and pop it out his va-jay-jay, he's more than welcome to.
5. I hate most reptiles unless they're in shoe or purse form.
6. Someday I would like to visit an island. A real island where there are fruity drinks and cabana boys and white sandy beaches and is not a US state. I've been to Hawaii; it doesn't count.
7. I would re-do certain things with my wedding. Bridesmaids would have worn black instead of light green. I would have lost more weight so I didn't have semi-fat face. I would have worn different lipstick. And Glenn Jackson and I would have high-fived after they prounounced us husband and wife like I wanted to. It is not acceptable to tell me 2 months later than it would have been cool if we had done that.
8. I hearts me some mexican food. I really like nachos with the gooey melty cheese that is so bad for you.
9. I will add onions to almost anything. Don't try and make out with me and you won't have to deal with the aftermath. Jeez.
10. I'm a total mama bear when it comes to my friends. It's ok for me to make fun of them (they make fun of me, too) but if you get out of line, I will fight back.
11. My day would not be complete if I didn't "fight" with my workstation mate.
12. I hate swimming in lakes. I'll do it but I hate it. There are fish and seaweed and sharp rocks in lakes.
13. I love to dress up in fancy dresses and get my hair done. And while I look fancy, I manage to downplay it by drinking beer and swearing.
14. My favorite swear word is "fuck". I say it A LOT. Sorry mom (she doesn't like it when I use that word).
15. I completely live up to my hair color. Bitchy, feisty, bad tempered...I'm all of those things wrapped in a bright, shiny bow.
16. I tried to ride a unicycle once. I fell down before I even got up and that was with help. I blame it on the alcohol.
17. Have I mentioned I like booze? I'm a beer and wine person. Not really into hard liquor but if you plop a Cherry Bomb down in front of me, I'm all over it.
18. My boobs are real. I am a 36D. I admit I have nice boobs. Someday I'll treat them to a lift.
19. I like to tell Glenn Jackson that when I turn 40, I'm gonna move to Vegas and become a cougar.
20. I would really like to own a teacup pig. They're super tiny and cute and would fit in my purse. I'I wonder if my cats would eat it. They like ham.
21. I am a shoe whore. I have so many pairs that just end up sitting in my closet yet I continue to buy more. Usually black ones. You can never have enough pairs of black shoes.
22. I like to think I'm super funny, especially when I'm hammed up. Not everyone agrees with this. I don't care.
23. Someday I will own a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes. The pair I really want is only $945. I'm hoping I get lucky in Vegas at the end of September. Or, if somebody would like to buy them for me for my birthday, I am a size 8 and they look like this:

So, there you go. I am an open book. Ask me anything. I'm not shy.

The King and Negative Nellie's

What a weekend! As promised, here is a picture of me in my beloved dress.

To be fair, I had a few beers in me and I'd been dancing up a storm. Not shockingly, I never got an actual nice picture of me earlier in the evening but you get the picture.

I think Glenn enjoyed his birthday, particularly when his squad came over and sang him Happy Birthday. Their gift to him...beer. Each soldier gave him a beer that he had to consume before he could leave the dinner. I was nice and helped with one.

And what evening wouldn't be complete without a visit from Elvis. How many of you can say that Elvis sang at your wedding (outside of Las Vegas)? I can because he surprised us during our reception and it has now become a tradition amongst our family. This is my Uncle John. We love him.

I've mentioned before about Mama Laughlin, the woman who inspired my blog and my readiness to transition my body and my life. She teamed up with a few other of her blog fans to create a group on Facebook where everyone can band together and help each other be successful in weight loss.

The description: Lena and Marge* are fans of Mama Laughlin and are working their asses off to become healthy skinny bitches. Between us, we've tried just about everything. Join us for motivation, encouragement, ideas, and challenges. Excuses must be left at the door.

*Names have been changed to protect the not so innocent

Sounds great. They also started a weight loss challenge. I recently joined the group and signed up for the weight loss challenge but didn't really know anything about it. So today I read a post to find out that if you didn't weigh in last week and get your name on the spreadsheet (which they took down so nobody could fill in nor did they tell us about the weigh in), you're basically screwed and can't participate.

Here is what they posted today: I've posted the spreadsheet again for your Week 1 weighins! Please just add your weight and do not change anything else! You do not want to lose all your spreadsheeting privileges!!!! If I notice it is getting out of hand, I will close it again. Sorry to be so harsh, but Marge* and I are doing this group on top of our day jobs, work outs, and other commitments so we are trying to be as efficient as possible. Thank you! ~ Lena*

Followed by: P.S. If you missed the initial weigh-in last week so sad, too bad. That's what deadlines are for. Do not add your name to the list! But please, please, feel free to play along as we collectively aim to lose 4,000lbs or the approximate weight of a mini-van.

This is supposed to be a positive environment for people to help each other be successful. Instead, these two have turned this into a negative place where you get punished for not knowing information that wasn't given out, at least not that I can see. How is anyone supposed to feel good about themselves when they've just knocked everyone down?

Oh, and here's my favorite. This is posted by the weigh-in document.

"Do not tinker with the spreadsheet or I will biatch slap you!!!"

Really? It's things like this that totally piss me off when it comes to weight loss. Needless to say, I stood on my soap box and said my piece and left the group. I don't want to be around or hear from anyone who has anything negative to say about the positive change I'm trying to make to my life. You can try and beat me down but just know that I will always stand back up. I am a strong person and nobody is gonna tell me what I can and can't do with my life.

To all you negative nellie's that think I can't do this, that want to rain on my parade because of your own insecurities, fuck you. I've got plenty of people who support me and want to see me be successful. And thank you for inspiring me even more to kick ass at this race and eventually hit my goal weight. I'll be sure to think of you when I cross that finish line.

I'm Jiggly and I Know It

Observations from today's run

1. I jiggle. A lot. Particularly in the butt region. My husband tells me he enjoys it when he's running behind me (which is pretty rare considering how slow I am) but I do not. I've always had a large backside but this is ridiculous. I better go find some apple bottom jeans and some boots with the fur.

2. Pushing Rowan in the stroller is hard work. This is going to come across as so whiny but it's true. I can barely propel my own weight forward so trying to push an additional 45 to 50 pounds about did me in. My goal today was 3 miles. I did 3.85 but probably only ran 2.5 of those. I made myself go the extra distance to make up for the fact that I didn't run as much as I anticipated.

3. I did not find my runner's high. See #2.

4. Running in 60 degree weather is glorious. I love everything about it. It's not too hot or cold and your clothes don't stick to you quite like they do when it's 80's and humid.

This afternoon we've got my cousin's wedding and the Bayonet dinner. It's so awesome to have to go back and forth. It really wouldn't be the army if they didn't make things more complicated than they should be. I found a dress yesterday that I L-O-V-E. It's plum chiffon, halter neck, with ruffles on the top. Again, hard to describe but I love everything about it. I even got new shoes because one really must wear silver shoes with this dress. The shoes sparkle. Not hooker sparkle but in an elegant way. I'm gonna look so kick ass.

Today is also the hubby's 30th birthday. Finally, he joins the majority of us in the 30's club. I feel bad that he has to spend the evening with the military. However, if any of you army guys feel the need to give him the 30 spankings he definitely deserves, I won't stand in your way. I'll even hold his coat for you.

Ciao!

Because I'm Awesome

I feel so unbelievably awesome right now! I was slightly bitter this afternoon because Glenn and I originally weren't going to go to the Bayonet dinner on Saturday night because my cousin gets married that afternoon but apparently we have no choice. So, I have to find a cocktail dress for said dinner, which just pissed me off. Luckily, I found one (more on that coming up).

So off we went tonight to find Glenn a suit jacket and me a dress. He was more successful than I was on the first round. I managed to find one at the second store we went to. It's not ideal but it'll do. I'm gonna search a little more tomorrow and hopefully find one that makes me bombshell worthy. Well, as bombshell like as I can get in my current state.

As soon as we got home, we headed out for our 2-mile run. I don't know if it was the fact that it was nice outside or that I brought the dog with but I felt like I could have ran forever. I found my runner's high tonight!! The dog tends to pull me along which is fantastic but he also tends to stop and pee on every tree, bush, or blade of grass we go by. Anyway, we stopped off at the park so Rowan could play for a few minutes and I kept running along the trail. I just had so much energy so I made Glenn finish running the rest of the way home.

It's very rare that I feel as good as I do right now after a run. I usually get home just exhausted and wanting to curl up in a ball on the couch. This feeling is something I wish I could bottle and bring out every time I go out for a run. If I can hang on to this for the next 2 months, that 10-miler is gonna be a piece of cake.

So back to said dress. It's knee length, black, with sparkles on the top half. It's really hard to describe but it's a decent cocktail dress. Luckily I have nice boobs so I fill it out quite nicely.

3-mile run on Saturday morning. Glenn's gonna put a few hours in at the shop so I have to push Rowan in the stroller by myself. Here's hoping it goes well.

Woe is Me

I would probably kill someone for a Diet Coke right now. Ok, that's probably too strong of a statement but these withdrawal headaches are driving me up the wall. As my co-worker told me, this is what rehab is like. If I feel this awful about pop, I feel sorry for the drug addicts. I was this close (picture me squeezing my fingers together real close) to having some root beer at the Twins game this afternoon but I stayed strong. I had a beer instead.

I'm doing much better with my food this week. I found a new program for my phone called "Lose It". It is awesome! I can actually scan the barcodes of food and it inputs the item into my daily log. I think my other program could also do that but this one got rave reviews on Pinterest. So far I'm down 2 pounds, mostly water weight I'm sure, but 2 pounds is 2 pounds in my book.

Tonight's training activity is cross training so I'm going to go pound some laps out at the pool. If there's anything I could hate more, it would be wearing a swimsuit in front of other people. The good thing is they're strangers so I don't really care what they think. No, that's not true. I do care because I'm dealing with self-esteem issues, as I'm sure most overweight people do. Someday I'll get over it...I hope.

And on that depressing note, I'm outta here. Corn on the cob and grilled chicken for dinner tonight. Yum!