Why I'm Mad at Me

News flash: I'm a fatty. It's ok...it's true and I accept that. I hate that I'm overweight and I honestly don't know what to do about it. Why is it so hard to find the motivation to lose weight and get myself back on track? It's super easy to put the weight on, that's for sure.

I was recently diagnosed with high blood pressure and had to go on medication. Part of the cause is me being as heavy as I am. You would think that would be motivation enough but you'd be wrong. I for the life of me can't figure out why. High blood pressure is a serious thing. I have lost a few pounds over the last couple of weeks just by cutting back on the crap and running but it's not enough.

I hate everything about this. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I hate that none of my clothes from a couple of summers ago (pre pregnancy) no longer fit. I hate that I have no willpower. Most of all, I hate that I let myself get to this point. I'm so unbelievably unhappy right now.

Let me be clear...I love my husband and my kids and our life together. That's not at all why I'm unhappy. I'm unhappy because I'm on a downward spiral that doesn't seem to end. I want to be around to watch my kids grow up and someday have grandkids of my own. But if I don't get my act together, this life I'm looking forward to may not be as long as I'm anticipating.

This is my cry for help. Motivate me. Yell at me. Take the damn cookie out of my hand if you have to. Be there for me as I try and figure this out. It may not seem like much but it's more than you realize.