Last night was a blast! But before I get into the crazy details, I should outline my run from the morning. My training schedule had me doing 2 miles but I decided to do 3 since I skipped my run on Thursday because of a retirement party. Mile 1...no problem. I walked for about 30 seconds then started up again. Mile 2...I swear a group of turtles passed me but I made it. It was part way into mile 2 that I felt the need to go to the bathroom. Normally I would push through but it was (TMI moment) a number 2. I was like, ok, you're almost home. You can do this. Nope, mile 3 was a walking mile. Had I kept running, I would have been one of those marathon runners who just let's go and doesn't care. #1, I was not running a marathon so there was no need for it, and #2, that's just gross.
The rest of the day was spent getting ready for Glenn's birthday party. Glenn started drinking at about 2:30. For those of you who know him, you're not shocked. He wasn't completely hammered by the time everyone showed up but he was feeling pretty good. When I turned 30, I was 6 weeks pregnant with Rowan so I didn't even get to thoroughly enjoy my party so I took advantage of Glenn's 30th. I think I sucked down about 7 beers over the course of the evening. I was feeling pretty good by the time I went to bed last night. Glenn, on the other hand, decided to polish off a 64 oz. growler AFTER he had already consumed a bunch of Captain and several beers. He passed out without taking his pants off and was, as one would expect, hungover this morning.
Today was low key, which was nice. I had to do 30 minutes of cross training so we took Rowan for a bike ride tonight. At one point I had to remind Glenn that I was not qualifying for the Olympics, just out for a semi-leisurely ride.
I'm starting something new. Each week I'm going to give myself a goal whether it be eating the correct number of servings of fruits and veggies each day or only eating out once a week. My first goal: not drinking pop this week. This may kill me. Diet Coke is my one vice that I usually can't live without. I tried going without when I first found out I was pregnant but I had awful headaches. My doctor was the one who told me that to cure it, drink a Diet Coke. How could I not listen to her?
So this week, if I'm bitchy, cranky, irritable, you know, any word that describes someone who just gave up one of their favorite things in the world, please forgive me. Hey, at least I was nice enough to warn you.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
Being Brave
Today is about being brave. I'm going to tell you a story about how I got to be the weight that I'm at and the struggles I've had along the way. Being brave means I'm going to out someone (not by name) but it's something I need to do in order to move forward on my journey.
Growing up I wasn't really a fat kid. In fact, I was skinny because I used to eat like a bird and only drink water. Then I got to high school and everything changed. Again, I wasn't fat by any means but I started eating junk food and drinking pop on a regular basis and I packed on a few pounds.
When I went off to college, things got a little worse. I continued to eat junk and drink pop but along with that came the booze. I wasn't a hardcore drinker but I had my moments. I went from being a size 8 to a size 12 in a matter of 3 years.
During college, I started dating a fellow classmate. He and I were ultimately together for 5 and 1/2 years. We broke up at least 3 times, if I can recall but somehow we always ended up back together. In fact, we broke up the night we graduated from college. Neither one of us had jobs, I was staying in Iowa for the time being and he was moving back up to the Twin Cities. We kept in touch and a couple of months later, got back together when I moved up to the Cities and started my first job.
We had our good times and our bad times, like every couple. I wasn't really into watching my weight or living a health lifestyle so I went from a size 12 to a size 14 and eventually to a size 16. I struggled a lot because our relationship wasn't exactly healthy. I was dating a person who was emotionally unavailable and didn't love me. At the time, I thought I was in love with him but looking back, he was my safety net. I don't think either one of us wanted to be alone so why not be together.
I was so desperate for affection from him but didn't get it so I continued with my unhealthy lifestyle of junk, pop, and alcohol. I was also so afraid that he would break up with me that I wasn't the person I should have been. I rarely got into a fight with him because I was always afraid he'd walk away. At the end of our relationship, I was so messed up emotionally I'm surprised I recovered. On the day we broke up for the last time, he told me that he'd thought about telling me that if I lost 30 pounds, he'd marry me. Who the hell does that? And you know what? I stupidly would have done it. Not because I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life but because I didn't want to be alone. Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell myself to walk away. But I don't regret my time with him because if I hadn't made it that far, I probably wouldn't have met Glenn.
When said boyfriend and I broke up, I joined Weight Watchers and lost 20 pounds. There's nothing like a breakup to kick yourself in the pants and try and look good so the next time they see you, you can flaunt your new body in their face. I also reconnected with my best friend. I selfishly put my boyfriend first and semi-abandoned her because I didn't want to make him mad. We still stayed in touch but it wasn't like it should have been.
During our reconnection, I would go to Mankato a lot to hang out with her and her husband. It wasn't even a month after I had broken up with my boyfriend that I met my future husband. A big group of us went out drinking one night and in the midst of doing shots, I told him I thought he was cute. To be fair, I had a lot of booze in me! We just clicked and I knew that I wanted to be with this man. We started dating in May/June (we never really discussed it), were engaged by August, bought a house in December, and got married the following May. My life was a whirlwind.
Because of that, I freaked out. I went from being in an unloving relationship to being with a man who thought I walked on water and it scared the crap out of me. I purposely picked fights and did everything I could to try and drive him away but he stuck around. I don't know why he put up with a complete crazy person but he did.
After we got married, guess what? I gained even more weight. It's because I got comfortable. I ballooned up to 197 pounds and a size 18. This was right before Glenn got deployed to Kosovo, one year after we got married. While he was gone, I vowed that I was going to lose weight. I started running and dropped 25 pounds in a matter of 2 months. I felt fantastic! Ever since then, I've been on a rollercoaster. I gain some weight, get pissed off, drop about 20 pounds, feel great, and start the process all over again. I'm just tired of constantly being at battle with myself.
It's time for a change. My eating still isn't under control but I've pulled myself back into a fitness routine. I'm sticking to my training program (with the exception of last night) and WILL get my eating habits to a good place. I'm taking it one step at a time.
Tomorrow will not help, though. My husband turns the big 3-0 in a week so we're having his birthday bash tomorrow night, which means lots of food, beer, and great friends. I'm still gonna run in the morning and then spend the rest of the day enjoying myself. I'll get back to everything on Sunday. And I'm ok with that. I'm learning to accept me, both good and bad parts. That's all I can do.
Growing up I wasn't really a fat kid. In fact, I was skinny because I used to eat like a bird and only drink water. Then I got to high school and everything changed. Again, I wasn't fat by any means but I started eating junk food and drinking pop on a regular basis and I packed on a few pounds.
When I went off to college, things got a little worse. I continued to eat junk and drink pop but along with that came the booze. I wasn't a hardcore drinker but I had my moments. I went from being a size 8 to a size 12 in a matter of 3 years.
During college, I started dating a fellow classmate. He and I were ultimately together for 5 and 1/2 years. We broke up at least 3 times, if I can recall but somehow we always ended up back together. In fact, we broke up the night we graduated from college. Neither one of us had jobs, I was staying in Iowa for the time being and he was moving back up to the Twin Cities. We kept in touch and a couple of months later, got back together when I moved up to the Cities and started my first job.
We had our good times and our bad times, like every couple. I wasn't really into watching my weight or living a health lifestyle so I went from a size 12 to a size 14 and eventually to a size 16. I struggled a lot because our relationship wasn't exactly healthy. I was dating a person who was emotionally unavailable and didn't love me. At the time, I thought I was in love with him but looking back, he was my safety net. I don't think either one of us wanted to be alone so why not be together.
I was so desperate for affection from him but didn't get it so I continued with my unhealthy lifestyle of junk, pop, and alcohol. I was also so afraid that he would break up with me that I wasn't the person I should have been. I rarely got into a fight with him because I was always afraid he'd walk away. At the end of our relationship, I was so messed up emotionally I'm surprised I recovered. On the day we broke up for the last time, he told me that he'd thought about telling me that if I lost 30 pounds, he'd marry me. Who the hell does that? And you know what? I stupidly would have done it. Not because I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life but because I didn't want to be alone. Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell myself to walk away. But I don't regret my time with him because if I hadn't made it that far, I probably wouldn't have met Glenn.
When said boyfriend and I broke up, I joined Weight Watchers and lost 20 pounds. There's nothing like a breakup to kick yourself in the pants and try and look good so the next time they see you, you can flaunt your new body in their face. I also reconnected with my best friend. I selfishly put my boyfriend first and semi-abandoned her because I didn't want to make him mad. We still stayed in touch but it wasn't like it should have been.
During our reconnection, I would go to Mankato a lot to hang out with her and her husband. It wasn't even a month after I had broken up with my boyfriend that I met my future husband. A big group of us went out drinking one night and in the midst of doing shots, I told him I thought he was cute. To be fair, I had a lot of booze in me! We just clicked and I knew that I wanted to be with this man. We started dating in May/June (we never really discussed it), were engaged by August, bought a house in December, and got married the following May. My life was a whirlwind.
Because of that, I freaked out. I went from being in an unloving relationship to being with a man who thought I walked on water and it scared the crap out of me. I purposely picked fights and did everything I could to try and drive him away but he stuck around. I don't know why he put up with a complete crazy person but he did.
After we got married, guess what? I gained even more weight. It's because I got comfortable. I ballooned up to 197 pounds and a size 18. This was right before Glenn got deployed to Kosovo, one year after we got married. While he was gone, I vowed that I was going to lose weight. I started running and dropped 25 pounds in a matter of 2 months. I felt fantastic! Ever since then, I've been on a rollercoaster. I gain some weight, get pissed off, drop about 20 pounds, feel great, and start the process all over again. I'm just tired of constantly being at battle with myself.
It's time for a change. My eating still isn't under control but I've pulled myself back into a fitness routine. I'm sticking to my training program (with the exception of last night) and WILL get my eating habits to a good place. I'm taking it one step at a time.
Tomorrow will not help, though. My husband turns the big 3-0 in a week so we're having his birthday bash tomorrow night, which means lots of food, beer, and great friends. I'm still gonna run in the morning and then spend the rest of the day enjoying myself. I'll get back to everything on Sunday. And I'm ok with that. I'm learning to accept me, both good and bad parts. That's all I can do.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
A Pisser of a Mood
As my title indicates, I'm in a pisser of a mood today. It started by getting to work and having to deal with crabby people who are at a hurricane level 6, as one of my co-workers put it. Other than that, I was having a semi decent day. I went out and had a quick beer after work with a few of my co-workers and chatted and laughed with my best friend on my drive home.
It started with me remembering that I needed to make treats for work tomorrow for our mini golf hole (it's kind of like I work on a cruise ship) and realizing that I had nothing in my kitchen that I needed to produce these treats. Nice husband said he would get what I needed but promptly forgot. This isn't the first time he has forgotten to do something that I've asked and I should have known better but that immediately set me off. As we're getting ready to leave the house for our 2-mile run, Rowan starts throwing a fit because he doesn't want to go outside and leave his trains. That immediately put the two of us at odds which ended in a shouting match over how many trains he could bring with in the jogging stroller. I know, I win the parent of the year award for yelling at my kid. What's new.
So we're out on said run and it's suddenly gotten muggy, which puts me in an even more foul mood. Rowan continued to torment us the whole way, whining and crying about wanting to walk but then wanting to be carried and finally I had just had enough. I couldn't enjoy my run, I was too hot, I didn't drink enough water today, and I kind of wanted to fling myself in front of a car. So, we ended up walking at least half of the two miles.
I should be happy that I at least did the two miles, even though I walked part of the way. But no, that seemed to irritate me more because I had a decent run on Saturday and today it went to hell in a handbasket. In my heart I know that I did just fine. I kept going even though I wanted to lay down and pretend the rest of the world didn't exist. Everyone has bad days and today turned out to be one of them for me. I know that along my journey, there's going to be good, bad, happy, sad, and mad days and I need to just go with the flow. Now if I could just tell my head that. Maybe beating it against a wall will help.
It started with me remembering that I needed to make treats for work tomorrow for our mini golf hole (it's kind of like I work on a cruise ship) and realizing that I had nothing in my kitchen that I needed to produce these treats. Nice husband said he would get what I needed but promptly forgot. This isn't the first time he has forgotten to do something that I've asked and I should have known better but that immediately set me off. As we're getting ready to leave the house for our 2-mile run, Rowan starts throwing a fit because he doesn't want to go outside and leave his trains. That immediately put the two of us at odds which ended in a shouting match over how many trains he could bring with in the jogging stroller. I know, I win the parent of the year award for yelling at my kid. What's new.
So we're out on said run and it's suddenly gotten muggy, which puts me in an even more foul mood. Rowan continued to torment us the whole way, whining and crying about wanting to walk but then wanting to be carried and finally I had just had enough. I couldn't enjoy my run, I was too hot, I didn't drink enough water today, and I kind of wanted to fling myself in front of a car. So, we ended up walking at least half of the two miles.
I should be happy that I at least did the two miles, even though I walked part of the way. But no, that seemed to irritate me more because I had a decent run on Saturday and today it went to hell in a handbasket. In my heart I know that I did just fine. I kept going even though I wanted to lay down and pretend the rest of the world didn't exist. Everyone has bad days and today turned out to be one of them for me. I know that along my journey, there's going to be good, bad, happy, sad, and mad days and I need to just go with the flow. Now if I could just tell my head that. Maybe beating it against a wall will help.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Runner's High?
I'm sure many of you have heard of a runner's high. That burst of energy you get as you're running along. That feeling of "I am doing this and it feels fantastic" when you've gone beyond what you set out to accomplish. Ok, that's not the real definition but it's what I imagine it to be. I felt a little bit of that today.
Glenn and I took Rowan on a run this morning. Our intent was to run to the gas station to buy the Sunday paper and then come home. I felt fantastic the entire way there. I was able to control my breathing, which is something I always struggle with, and my legs felt like they could go forever. We stopped at the gas station, I took over the jogging stroller, and everything went downhill, at least for a little while. Trying to go uphill and push a 25 pound kid AND a stroller is hard work. I really hate doing it which is why I usually make my husband do it. We walked a little bit and then took off again until we made it home. It was a great 2 miles. I actually enjoyed almost every minute of it.
I don't think I got a real runner's high but if I could get the feeling I had today every time I run, I probably wouldn't complain about it as much as I do! There's hope for me yet!
Tomorrow begins my official training program. Who's ready for 10 weeks of fun!? Not me but I'm gonna do it anyway.
Glenn and I took Rowan on a run this morning. Our intent was to run to the gas station to buy the Sunday paper and then come home. I felt fantastic the entire way there. I was able to control my breathing, which is something I always struggle with, and my legs felt like they could go forever. We stopped at the gas station, I took over the jogging stroller, and everything went downhill, at least for a little while. Trying to go uphill and push a 25 pound kid AND a stroller is hard work. I really hate doing it which is why I usually make my husband do it. We walked a little bit and then took off again until we made it home. It was a great 2 miles. I actually enjoyed almost every minute of it.
I don't think I got a real runner's high but if I could get the feeling I had today every time I run, I probably wouldn't complain about it as much as I do! There's hope for me yet!
Tomorrow begins my official training program. Who's ready for 10 weeks of fun!? Not me but I'm gonna do it anyway.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Healthy Food Blah's
This is pretty much how I'm feeling today. Taco Bell is screaming my name, I really want a vat of queso from the Rusty Taco, and if you put an entire cake with buttercream frosting in front of me, I'd take it down like a champ. Why does all of the food that is so bad for you have to taste so damn good?!?!
I did make myself a healthy buffalo chicken wrap for lunch so I got my "junk food" in with only a little bit of bad mixed in. I refuse to give up ranch dressing and the fat free stuff tastes like ass so light it is. Hidden Valley Light Buttermilk is unbelieveable. I'm so glad my friend Katie discovered it for me.
This week has been a struggle. It's been so humid and muggy and gross that I couldn't do my normal runs outside and then the night I was all gung ho, it was raining. The forces of nature are working against me and I'm not exactly sure what I did to piss them off. To top it off, we had vendors in the office so my attempts at eating healthy were kiboshed for a couple of days. The other days were spent with a plan to eat healthy until someone pissed me off (it happens regularly) and I turned to the junk. That right there is my downfall. I get mad and I eat. I'm trying to overcome that by keeping healthier snacks in my workstation and not carrying cash so I can't hit up the vending machine. It's been helping to pack a lunch but every day it seems like my willpower is overtaken by something. If anyone has any suggestions, I would love to hear them. No seriously, I want to know what you do. I'm terrible at holding myself accountable.
Tomorrow is the big 30-day reintegration for the Red Bulls. I am going under protest. I might sneak my iPad in and play Angry Birds while we're sitting in seminars about resiliance and employment and finances. My husband is back at work, we're getting along just fine (exactly as we were before he left), we don't have money troubles...what more do they want from me? I'm just a bitter betty because I don't want to spend the entire day sitting in the Mayo Civic Center with a bunch of soldiers and their wives (no offense to any of them who might read this). I have Glenn Jackson's 30th birthday party to get ready for people! Ugh, the 30-day can suck it!
Have a great weekend friends!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Beer and Meatloaf and Wisconsin, Too
What a weekend!
Friday night I attended my 15-year high school reunion and had a blast! It was so great seeing everyone and just hanging out. Pictures were taken, stories were told, and memories were re-lived (thank you Meatloaf). As I knew I would, I drank my fair share of the bar and woke up with a killer headache on Saturday morning. And it was totally worth it.
Yesterday Glenn's cousin got married so after a quick stop at home for a shower and a change of clothes, we were off to Wisconsin. It was slightly warm for an outdoor lakefront ceremony but it was beautiful. I vowed to only drink two beers at the reception and managed to sort of keep my promise. I only drank three. That's because Glenn and I had our hands full dealing with our oh so precious son.
Rowan decided it would be a great idea to not nap at all in the afternoon so he was uber tired when we got to the golf course. He proceeded to be as a big of a pain in the ass as he could possibly be which left both of us exhausted. Cue the drinking. Luckily the dancing started and Rowan got his groove on. He was quite the ladies man, flirting with the older girls and shaking his moneymaker. Everyone was thoroughly impressed with his dance skills.
Now because my body is overly tired, dehydrated, and just plain feeling old today, I'm skipping my run. It may seem like I've given up but honestly, I haven't. I'm back right at it tomorrow, I swear. As I mentioned in a previous blog, life is about having fun. I had my fun for the weekend and it's back to the grindstone.
Before I bid you goodbye, I want to thank everyone for all of the positive feedback and compliments I've received on this blog. I'm doing this for me but knowing that I'm being a positive influence on others makes me want to work even harder. Thank you for inspiring me!
Friday night I attended my 15-year high school reunion and had a blast! It was so great seeing everyone and just hanging out. Pictures were taken, stories were told, and memories were re-lived (thank you Meatloaf). As I knew I would, I drank my fair share of the bar and woke up with a killer headache on Saturday morning. And it was totally worth it.
Yesterday Glenn's cousin got married so after a quick stop at home for a shower and a change of clothes, we were off to Wisconsin. It was slightly warm for an outdoor lakefront ceremony but it was beautiful. I vowed to only drink two beers at the reception and managed to sort of keep my promise. I only drank three. That's because Glenn and I had our hands full dealing with our oh so precious son.
Rowan decided it would be a great idea to not nap at all in the afternoon so he was uber tired when we got to the golf course. He proceeded to be as a big of a pain in the ass as he could possibly be which left both of us exhausted. Cue the drinking. Luckily the dancing started and Rowan got his groove on. He was quite the ladies man, flirting with the older girls and shaking his moneymaker. Everyone was thoroughly impressed with his dance skills.
Now because my body is overly tired, dehydrated, and just plain feeling old today, I'm skipping my run. It may seem like I've given up but honestly, I haven't. I'm back right at it tomorrow, I swear. As I mentioned in a previous blog, life is about having fun. I had my fun for the weekend and it's back to the grindstone.
Before I bid you goodbye, I want to thank everyone for all of the positive feedback and compliments I've received on this blog. I'm doing this for me but knowing that I'm being a positive influence on others makes me want to work even harder. Thank you for inspiring me!
Friday, July 13, 2012
15 Years Ago...
15 years ago, I graduated from high school. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm old, blah, blah, blah. Tonight is my 15-year class reunion. Cue scary music from Psycho...horrific scream...and scene. While most people seem to dread their reunions, I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm excited to see people I haven't seen in many, many years, to see my friends that it seems like I only get to see when someone gets married or has a baby, to just enjoy time with those that I grew up with. What's even more exciting for me is the fact that 5 years ago I was way fatter than I am now. Take that 2007 Erin!
I kind of miss high school. Not all of the drama associated with being a teenage girl but just getting to hang out with my friends and really have no responsibility whatsoever. I grew up in small town Iowa so I knew everyone in my class. Heck, I pretty much knew everyone in the entire high school. I think that's what made my experience a decent one. Don't get me wrong...it had its ups and downs but I wasn't bullied, I didn't get into fights, and I didn't have social networking. But alas, I am now an adult (not necessarily a grown up judging by the beers I downed with my friends last night) and have my own set of responsibilities, not to mention a child to love and care for. For now, I'll just stick with reminiscing on all of the fun times I had.
It's certainly going to be one hell of a weekend. In addition to my reunion, Glenn's cousin gets married tomorrow afternoon so yet again more drinking, eating, and fun will commence. This is gonna wreak havoc on my diet. I'll pay for it on Sunday when I do my 3-4 mile run. Life is about enjoying what time do you have Earth and by god, I'm gonna live it up!
I kind of miss high school. Not all of the drama associated with being a teenage girl but just getting to hang out with my friends and really have no responsibility whatsoever. I grew up in small town Iowa so I knew everyone in my class. Heck, I pretty much knew everyone in the entire high school. I think that's what made my experience a decent one. Don't get me wrong...it had its ups and downs but I wasn't bullied, I didn't get into fights, and I didn't have social networking. But alas, I am now an adult (not necessarily a grown up judging by the beers I downed with my friends last night) and have my own set of responsibilities, not to mention a child to love and care for. For now, I'll just stick with reminiscing on all of the fun times I had.
It's certainly going to be one hell of a weekend. In addition to my reunion, Glenn's cousin gets married tomorrow afternoon so yet again more drinking, eating, and fun will commence. This is gonna wreak havoc on my diet. I'll pay for it on Sunday when I do my 3-4 mile run. Life is about enjoying what time do you have Earth and by god, I'm gonna live it up!
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